From the Clock Tower
by KingdomFlameVIII
Summary: *IMPORTANT NOTICE! PLEASE READ* This story is being redone. Everything is being edited, shuffled around, and posted as a new story. Leaving it up as it is just doesn't feel right to me. So I apologize in advance to anyone who has favorited or followed this story. Please don't fret, an improved version is coming soon.
1. Our Spot

**Edited finally! -phew- cuz i know that the first couple chapters REALLY SUCKED! Cuz yeah i didn't actually proof read or edit or anything like that, just threw it out there as soon as i was done typing xD so sorry if im on your update list or anything, im just re-uploading some of the *ahem* not as good chapters ^^**

**This is my first ever novel/fanfic, so please be nice about it!**

**Pairings include: AkuRoku, SoRiku, Zemyx, and Cleon, and also some weeeeee tiny hints of KaiNam**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Kingdom Hearts, it would be a yaoi Sim dating game. So yeah, obviously I don't ._.**

He wasn't really sure why he picked the clock tower of all places. All Roxas knew was that he needed to leave the world as soon as possible, so he wouldn't have to see his brother's understanding sympathetic expression he didn't deserve, or his father's accusing glares that he knew he _did_ deserve, or his step fathers worried face staring off into space, that he knew he caused. The air was shockingly cold for a mid-August night. _The Twelfth, to be specific, _Roxas thought to himself. He checked his watch. 3:45. _Oh… I guess it's the thirteenth. Does it matter?_

A chilly gust of wind blew through his messy, golden hair, making the little hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Shivering slightly, he sighed and slid his wristbands off. The wind coursed smoothly over the ragged skin, leaving a cold tingling feeling over the newly exposed flesh.

"Now's as good a time as ever to show the world what I've been hiding underneath," he mumbled to himself, who'd hear him up here anyway? He eyed the dozen or so wounds he'd made himself on his left wrist. He had torn one open that he'd made only moments ago when he took the band off, leaving it trickling slightly. He inhaled sharply at the pain and ignored the warm sticky liquid that now traveled down his arm.

_Now or never, _he thought, making sure the note he'd scribbled on a scrap of paper he'd found in Riku's van was tucked safely in his pocket. He took a deep breath, and stepped up onto the slightly elevated ledge…

3 Weeks Earlier

"Roxas… helloooooooooo Roxas, earth to Roxas. You with me?"

Roxas looked up to meet eyes identical to his. They belonged to his twin, Sora, who at the moment was trying to reach across the sofa to poke him without waking his girlfriend, Kairi, as she was sleeping peacefully on his lap. When he shifted, she stirred a little bit, making a few strands of wine red hair fall in front of her eyes. Sora froze for a second, as if to make sure his movements wouldn't disturb her further, then brushed the fallen hair gently behind her ear. Roxas sighed as he watched his brother begin to braid her hair.

For fraternal twins, they looked strikingly similar. Along with matching eyes, they had the same smile (on the rare occasion that Roxas _did _smile), and gravity defying hair, though Roxas' hair was shorter, and blonde like his father's. Sora's hair was longer, and the same color as his mother's was.

_No, don't go there, _Roxas thought miserably to himself, stiffening.

It was still hard for him to think about his mother. Aerith had died when the boys were very small, seven or eight years old. It wasn't just that she died that made it so traumatic for Roxas (though that was certainly reason enough), it was how.

It happened on a Sunday morning like any other. The warm sunlight had streamed abundantly into the kitchen through the many windows, birds cheerfully serenaded each other outside for everyone to hear. Sora and Roxas had been sitting at the kitchen table, feet kicking, eagerly awaiting the chocolate chip pancakes their mother was cooking, while Cloud had gone to pick up their sister, Naminé, who was a year younger than them and just had her very first sleepover at her friend Yuffie's house. Before leaving, he'd pecked his wife sweetly on the cheek and promised to be back by the time breakfast was ready.

He had only been gone few moments when something long and thin shot through the window with an earsplitting screech, followed by a man with strange terrifying lynx eyes and waist length pin straight gray-silver hair. He looked like he could've been in his early thirties. Broken glass littered the floor, sparkling in the early morning sunlight, the mysterious man had casually reached up to pluck a piece of glass from his hair and toss it to the ground.

Roxas remembered to that day the fear that overtook him when he saw the man. It was the first time he'd ever experience that chilly foreboding feeling that something was very, very wrong. All of his muscles had seized up, and all he could do was stare. Sora, on the other hand, cocked his head to the side like a curious puppy, and seemed unfazed by the silver haired man.

Aerith also seemed to know something was wrong, because she'd shrieked and thrown herself between him and her sons, arms stretched out protectively in an attempt to shield them. He'd just smiled sinisterly and thrust his too-long sword straight into her chest, piercing the fabric of her apron and he skin easily, as though he were slicing into butter. The blade went right through and stuck out the other side, the side facing that had been facing the boys, dripping blood, a wet stain beginning to spread. Roxas had frozen in fear, mouth gaping like a fish, hot tears streaming down his face with no intention of stopping. He knew he should've ran, but his fear seemed bent on keeping him pinned to the spot with a fierce, iron hand. Sora had been crying too, but instead of holding an expression of shock and hurt, he was red-faced and _furious. _Roxas would never know how his brother found the bravery to do what he did next. He jumped up out of his chair and onto the table in one fluid motion and began to scream at the man.

"What do you think you're _doing!" _ he bellowed in a voice Roxas had never heard him use before, or since. "That's my _Mother!_ You _murderer! _You _madman!_ "

Aerith, who was doubled over, sword still protruding from her chest, found the strength to utter, "Sora—Roxy… go! Run!"

Her voice had terrified Roxas all the more, it was raspy and gurgling, as if she were trying to talk over a throatfull of water, the desperation was unmistakable, as well as the cold angry feeling she must have been feeling, as any mother would if she were rendered helpless and incapable of protecting her children. She gave a little spasm, then collapsed and became still.

Sora did not run, as he was told. He yelled, if possible, louder than he had before. Only this time, he let out a string of swearwords he wouldn't dare say in front of his mother, not while she was alive anyway.

The man who had murdered Aerith looked slightly amused, but a little surprised as well. Roxas imagined that it wasn't a reaction he'd anticipated, Roxas surely hadn't. Pulling his sword out of their mom's body, he turned his dark, piercing gaze onto Roxas and looked at him thoughtfully. "You look quite like your father, you know," he mused.

Roxas still couldn't find the will to move. It had been as though he were trapped in limbo; there was a tightness in his chest that barely allowed him to breathe, let alone run. At that moment Sora yelled, "Don't you dare touch him!" and made an impressive leap over to his twin and wrapped his arms protectively around him.

The man just stood there and laughed, he had a deep rumbling laugh that seemed to coarse through Roxas. He clung desperately to his brother, the only thing he had left to hang on to. Fear had apparently begun to take over Sora as well, they were both trembling as the crazy laughing man made to turn his sword onto them.

It was then that Cloud ran in, wielding a sword almost as long as the one he was faced with, and began expertly swinging at him, steering him away from the two boys. It was a bit sloppy, half the kitchen would be destroyed afterwards.

"SEPHIROTH! Get away from my sons!" he screamed wildly, never letting his defenses down.

Before Roxas could begin to take in what was going on, the man named Sephiroth was gone. Unexplainably. Later, he would be told by his father and the Destiny Island sheriff that he ran— jumped back out through the window. When Roxas thought about it as he got older, he started to doubt that. After all they had been on an island, where could he possibly have gone? For the next decade to come Roxas would have nightmares about the mysterious man and his long sword and his wicked laugh and his terrifying lynx eyes. If the blonde was quiet before, he might as well have gone mute for all the talking he did for the months to come. Speaking of which…

"Roxas, please. You're going quiet again."

He met Sora's eyes and blinked, "Sorry…uhh what?"

Sora looked at him a minute and said, "You looked like you were a million miles away."

"I was thinking… about Mom again," Roxas admitted.

Zoning out was a pretty regular thing for him. Sora knew that, but it never stopped it from being concerned. He placed a hand on Roxas' shoulder, but didn't seem to know what to say, they'd had this conversation many times before.

"I'm okay, I promise," Roxas assured him; he didn't look convinced. "What were you trying to say before?"

"I was trying to tell you that we're going home to visit granddad next week," he stated.

Roxas shrugged, Destiny Islands was pretty nice this time of year after all. "Okay, we being who?"

"You, me, Nam, Dad, and Leon," he said simply. "Dad said… he said we could bring a friend," he looked at Roxas, "Do you want—"

"No, its fine," Roxas cut in. "You should bring Kairi to meet the folks." He suggested. "I know she's been there before, but you should properly introduce her, you know, since you guys have been dating awhile."

Sora looked pleased, but then his face fell slightly, "Hey Rox, can I tell you something?"

Roxas nodded, bracing himself for the worst. He expected his caring brother to say for the hundredth time that he was worried about him, and that he could and should always talk to him if he needed to. But the lecture never came.

"I think I want to break up with Kairi," he said slowly.

Not what Roxas was expecting at all. "Why? Is something wrong?"

"No… and yes. We get along great, and I know she cares a lot, and I know she tries… but something's just… not right. There's something missing, you know?"

Roxas in fact had no idea what he meant. He'd never had a serious relationship before. Or any relationship at all for that matter, but for his brother's sake he shrugged and said, "Yeah, I suppose."

Just then, Kairi began to stir for a second time. This time she sat up, and blinked her deep blue eyes a few times, then turned to look at Sora.

"You heard?" he asked weakly. To Roxas' surprise she didn't look angry or hurt, she looked thoughtful.

She gave a little smile and said, "It's okay, Hun. I do like you a lot, but I have that same feeling. There's just not that romantic spark. They say your lover should be your best friend… But I think that my best friend is all you are,"

She gave him a quick chaste kiss on the lips one last time, then got up.

"You should bring Riku," she added. "He hasn't seen the island in a while." And with that, she exited the living room, probably to tell Naminé what happened.

Riku was Sora's best friend, aside for Kairi. He had moved to Twilight Town several years after the twins and Naminé did, for college. When the two crossed paths, they had no idea that they'd grown up on the same island. This was likely because the family had moved almost immediately after the incident with Sephiroth. Soon after discovering this common ground, Riku and Sora became nearly inseparable. Roxas still wasn't quite sure why else the two were friends, as they were polar opposites. Sora was bubbly and bouncy and full of energy, while Riku was cool and collected. Personality-wise he was a little bit inverted, but now and then he made a few smartass comments, and once he got to know him, he was actually deeply caring as a person. He always listened patiently to Sora's babble and offered him advice if it was needed. He had a competitive side that only Sora seemed to bring out. They were always making bets, and always challenging each other to footraces, "yo mamma" showdowns (despite what happened to his mother Sora is generally unfazed by this), and drinking contests.

"You know what? I think I will bring Riku," Sora said cheerfully, perking up. He paused for a moment to look at his brother. "Rox, are you sure you don't want to bring Axel?"

Axel was Kairi's older brother, and he was to Roxas what Riku was to Sora. Actually, in a way he was a little bit more. Upon meeting him, he was the first person to get Roxas to talk after Aerith died. Cloud had taken him to the park after they moved to Twilight Town, just the two of them. He had tried to start a conversation, but before long he gave up and gave Roxas the okay to go play. There was only one other boy near the playground, and he was burning a leaf with a magnifying glass. Not that Roxas was looking to talk to anyone anyway, but he felt he should probably steer clear of the boy. After all, his mother'd always told him he shouldn't play with fire. He went to the swings instead.

The swings were always his favorite thing in the park. He liked to close his eyes and pretend he was high up in the sky, flying. Up there he would be free to fly with the birds, out in the complete open, with no one watching, no one trying to make him talk, no one trying to tell him it was all okay. He did just that, going higher and higher, until—

"Hey, if you go any higher you might go all the way around."

Roxas' eyes flew open and he skidded to a stop, spraying dirt and mulch everywhere. It was the boy with the magnifying glass, leaned casually against the jungle gym, studying Roxas with pretty green eyes.

"Man, I really wanted to see you flip," he joked. Roxas must have looked scared, because he uncrossed him arms and said, "hey, I was only kidding you. You don't have to be afraid, I promise I won't burn you."

Roxas didn't say anything.

"What's your name anyway?"

He finally decided to speak up, "Uhh… its R-Roxas." He stuttered.

"Roxas, huh? My name's Axel, got it memorized?" he said

"Why wouldn't I remember your name?" He asked, surprising himself. He hadn't spoken in months.

"Well, my mom reckons my old man forgot all about me, and her. That's what she tells me whenever I ask about him. So now I wanna make sure nobody forgets me again.

"Oh…" Roxas said, hoping he didn't make the boy sad. "Is-is that why you do your hair like that?" he asked, eyeing the boy's bright red spikes. He hadn't meant to ask about it, but he had never seen someone with hair the color of ketchup. Plus it stuck up more than anyone's in his whole family, which was surprising.

"Hmm? Oh no," he said, laughing, "I do this because a girl at school told me that if I spiked it this way, it would look like fire. I like fire, so I asked my mom to help me do my hair like this. Do you think it looks like fire?" he asked, his stunning emerald eyes sparkling.

Roxas thought about it a moment. His honest answer was no, it didn't, it was far too red. But he liked it anyway, so for Axel's sake, he cracked a smile and nodded.

That was when Cloud showed up, maybe to see for himself that his son was talking again.

"Hey, sport, did you make new friend?"

Roxas just nodded again. It seemed he was talked out for the day.

"Hello, sir, I'm Axel. A-X-E-L. Commit it to memory." He said brightly

He was taken a little aback by this, but regardless he said, "Oh, hello, Axel, I'm Roxas' dad. You can call me Mr. Strife."

Axel beamed. "Mr. Strife, would it be ok if me and Roxas get some ice cream? I have my own money and everything, there's this place down the street that's famous for their sea-salt ice cream bars…"

"No, it's fine, Sor," he said. "You really should bring Riku, he hasn't been home in ages, I'm sure he'll appreciate it. Besides, I think I can handle a week without Axel."

"What about Axel?" said a familiar voice. The redhead came into the living room with their two other roommates, Demyx and Zexion, flanking him. Zexion was short, almost as short as Roxas, with hair that nobody could really distinguish the color of. It was sort of an indigo-gray, neither light nor dark, though it looked darker than it was, because it covered half of his face, giving the impression that he was mysterious and dark.

Zexion was not dark, though he was a bit socially withdrawn, making him mysterious to those who didn't know him well. He wasn't depressed or anything like that, he just liked to read, spending most of his time studying for the three or four summer courses he took. It was commonly thought that he was rude and stuck up. Or emo, depending on who you asked. He was none of those things. He was just very blunt about everything he said, not wasting time with small talk.

He and Demyx came to Twilight Town from the same flight, but didn't know each other before then. It turned out they were staying in the same student home with six other roommates. They were the last to arrive at said boarding house. When asked where they were from, Zexion said, "Hollow Bastion," and Demyx said, "Radiant Gardens."

Exchanging looks with the others, Sora had asked, "Aren't they the same place?"

Demyx cheerfully said, "Yep! Most people don't call it Radiant Gardens anymore, but I like to because it sounds _magical."_ He said the last word dreamily.

Zexion raised an eyebrow at this, and Axel rolled his eyes. Demyx didn't notice. Then, without even bothering to start unpacking, he plopped right onto the couch and started telling everybody about himself, all the while absentmindedly strumming the strange instrument he called a sitar. He, Sora, and the girls immediately hit it off. _It's gotta be the mullet, _Roxas thought to himself at the time.

"I was just saying to Sora how I hope you didn't set the chemistry lab on fire again," Roxas said with a smirk.

Demyx laughed, Zexion already sat down with his nose stuck in his latest read.

"Professor Vexen had it coming to him," Axel said, smiling at the memory. "Leaving Bunsen burners out like that, _someone _had to teach him a lesson. Anyways, what's going on, bro?"

He leaned his tall slender figure against the door frame. He hadn't changed much since Roxas met him. He still had piercing emerald eyes, now with upside down teardrop tattoos under them. Roxas had been with him when he got them done, after his older brother Reno died in a motorcycle accident. His hair was tomato red as always, still fashioned into long spikes. While Roxas had fit in effortlessly in high school with the jocks, preps, emos, and stoners, plus his own circle of friends, Axel had grown into a bit of a punk, sporting tripp pants with chains, chokers and skater shoes. Despite all this, he and Roxas had remained attached at the hip, and if Roxas said he was cool, he was cool.

"Me and Roxas are going home for a week starting Sunday," Sora said brightly. He was always fond of Axel/

"Sunday! You said next week!" Roxas complained.

"Sunday _is _next week, Rox," Sora pointed out.

"Not if it's Friday," Roxas said gruffly.

Axel grabbed Roxas' arm and yanked him off the couch towards the door.

"Hey! What the- you- where are you taking me?" Roxas sputtered, trying to keep his footing.

"If I'm only going to have today and tomorrow to hang out with my Roxy before you go, I wanna make every minute count," said Axel said cheerfully.

Roxas inwardly winced when his heart fluttered at the words, "my Roxy." Like all best friends, he and Axel playfully and sarcastically flirted with each other, never meaning anything of it. But sometimes Roxas' mind would wander, and he'd find himself wondering things like if Axel was a good kisser, or he'd imagine a scenario where the two of them were a couple. He didn't think these thoughts very often, and when he did he'd shove them out of his mind and think about something else. But he couldn't help but wonder if there was a little truth behind every sarcastic, "yeah baby you know you want some of this ;)."

"So where are we going?" He asked conversationally as Axel walked right past his car. Wherever they were headed, they were going on foot.

"To our spot, silly," he replied.

By "their spot," he meant the clock tower at the train station. They found it when they were eleven years old, they were at the station and Axel had to pee. Neither of them knew where the bathroom was, so they checked every floor, not realizing it was on the first (why a train station would have so many floors Roxas would never know) until they found themselves standing on the roof, right in front of the clock itself. The view they had of the sunset was breathtaking, so they sat down to watch it, talking long after it had vanished, Axel by then had forgotten he even had to go to the bathroom. From then on that became their spot, they hung out there sometimes every day, and they'd eat their sea-salt ice cream there, then when they got a little older, they'd sit there and smoke cigarettes, and occasionally even hit a joint up there. But then Roxas' friends, Hayner, Pence, and Olette found out about the place, and started following them there. The boys were about 17 then. Roxas adored his 3 friends, but being up there with them wasn't like being up there with Axel. So the two agreed to stop going there, and they hadn't been there since.

"Really?" Roxas perked up. "Why now?"

"Because I don't think we'll be bothered anymore," Axel said simply. "Pence and Olette are probably hooking up in their dorm right about now, and rumor has it that Hayner's been hanging out with Seifer's gang quite a bit lately." He winked and wiggled his eyebrows to suggest that Pence and Olette weren't the only ones hooking up. Roxas widened his eyes.

"Really? Wow, he always seemed to _hate_ Seifer…"

"Things can always change, Rox," Axel said.

Roxas didn't doubt him. One thing he'd learned about Axel was that he was an excellent judge of character. He was one of those rare individuals that _saw_ people, for who they really were. This made Roxas incredibly nervous sometimes. He was sure sometimes he could see right through him and right through his wristbands. They were both quiet until they reached the tower. They sat with their legs hanging down like they used to.

"Hey Axe," he said, sucking his ice pop thoughtfully. "Why do you reckon we haven't grown apart? Being up here, it got me thinking… We've been friends for so long. Don't most friendships, well, drift?"

Axel considered a moment, lighting a cigarette, then exhaled and said, "I guess it's because we're meant to be together like this. Think about it. In a few years you'll graduate with a degree in English and childcare. You could easily become an author, like you've always wanted, or a teacher. I'll graduate as a pyro technician, and where's the leading manufacturer of fireworks in the worlds? Neither of us has to leave home to be what we've always wanted. And to tell you the truth, I don't think I could imagine life without you, Rox."

What Axel said was true, he realized. Twilight Town was considered the fireworks capitol of the worlds, and Roxas could teach and write anywhere. It was when Axel said things like that, that he realized just how much he needed him. Who else would understand if he curled up next to them to sleep if he had a night terror about his mother? Who else could he stay up all night talking to without a care in the world? Who else would he have ice cream with?"

"I— you're so right, Axel. Thanks," he said, taking a drag of Axel's cigarette.

"Do me a favor and hurry up with your trip. With you gone I'll have no one to hang out with but my kid sister and the lovebirds."

"Oka— wait, what? Lovebirds? You mean-?"

Axel laughed, "Isn't it obvious?"

**A recent study has shown that people who review are less likely to be eaten by heartless! ^^ nah jk. but still. you should review anyways :D and then I'll love you forever!**


	2. Race You To The Paopu Tree

**Alright! Time for chappie two!**

**Re:uploaded after some much needed editing, like chapter one. I may or may not do this for all of my chapters.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or Disney or Final Fantasy... just a lot of merchandise ^^**

_I want to be here, I want to be here, I want to be here…_

Until that moment, Roxas didn't think he _didn't _want to be there.

But then, as he stepped out of the tiny airport and looked around at his old home, he realized he would probably regret coming back there. Even though they were staying in the hotel, there probably wasn't a spot on the island that didn't remind him of his mother… she used to take him to that park every Sunday… they used to get ice cream there after Sora's soccer games…

It wasn't that he didn't like Leon, he did. He was like an older brother to them. But there was a difference between having a mother and having two fathers.

"You kids will be in here," Leon said when they finally arrived at the hotel, giving each of the twins a keycard to their hotel room. "If you have any problems, umm… come to us if… if there's an emergency," he finished quickly.

Roxas shuddered, _Message received, Leon, _he thought to himself and tried not to think about what his parents would probably be up to in their own room.

He sighed and sat on the lumpy cot they were given, it's springs shrieking as he did. Roxas knew that Riku and Sora would have no problem bunking together, as they did pretty much anytime they went on vacation together, so he decided to give Naminé the bed.

Sora gave him that concerned look he gave him every time he sighed, frowned, or put his head down. "Roxas, are you okay?" he asked.

He wasn't okay. He'd gotten that feeling again, that _urge. _But he sure as hell wasn't gonna tell Sora that. The last thing he wanted was his family to worry about him. He would deal with this on his own.

"Yeah, Sora, I'm fine," he said, shrugging. _You, sir, are a great actor, _he thought to himself, Sora seemed at least a little bit at ease. He checked his watch. It was too late to take a walk. "I'm gonna get in the shower, 'kay?"

After they all assured him that nobody needed to use the bathroom, he shut himself inside and locked the door. He turned the shower on but didn't get in. Instead he fished around the bottom of his bag. Hidden in the lining was a tiny razorblade he had stolen from one of his sisters razors. He did this several months ago. Nobody noticed.

He shook off his wristband. There were already a few wounds there, well on their way to blending back in with the rest of his skin. He sat on the toilet and took a deep breath. Then, he drew the blade slowly and steadily across his wrist. When the cut was almost two inches long, he pulled away, watching his relief pool up around the wound in the form of blood. He repeated this until there were five new wounds, side by side, trickling blood down his arm. He held still and watched it flow a moment, then wrapped his wrist in toilet paper. When the blood stopped flowing, he rinsed the wounds and poured rubbing alcohol on them to sterilize them. The wounds were for the purpose of inflicting pain, not severe bodily harm. He liked the alcohol because it stung, anyway.

It was strange how he'd started. It wasn't like he was all dark and gothic or emo. He'd just suddenly been overcome with the urge to take a knife to himself, without any kind of provocation, except the guilt and aloneness he constantly felt. As soon as he'd done it once, he immediately felt release. The minor sting of skin being ripped apart was nothing, _nothing_ in comparison to the emotional pain that followed and hung over him wherever he went. The reason for said emotional pain he wasn't sure, but that just made him feel all the more guilty for feeling it. What right had he, to spend his life wallowing in grief when he had nothing to grieve for? What right had he to be upset when there were so many other people in genuine pain? So many people were starving, cold, alone, helpless. Some grow up being beaten, abused, raped, what did Roxas have to show for his pain? A dead mother. Axel had a dead brother, and _he _wasn't screwed up like this. Roxas felt like the biggest asshole in the world, always, or like he didn't deserve anything he had.

Roxas knew when he'd started that he'd taken a path he'd likely never turn from. Cutting was like crying, in his opinion, as he always felt better after a good breakdown. And also, like crying, it was much easier to start than stop. There was something about watching the shiny crimson droplets rise to the surface of his skin that made things seem a bit better. It was like looking at an exhibit of abstract artwork, he liked not knowing what he'd see next, whether the blood would come in the form of just a little red line or in fat droplets, or perhaps it would actually run, as it did on occasion. It was like injecting himself with a drug; he knew it was bad for him, but he was finding it more and more impossible to stop.

He hastily showered so nobody would be suspicious, trying to cast away the thoughts, emotions, and feelings he entered the room with. He took his time drying himself and carefully replaced his wristband. When it was in place, he pulled a clean grey t-shirt over his head and slipped on a pair of boxers. When he re-entered the room, cold in comparison to the hot, steamy bathroom, Sora and Riku were watching The Mask of Zorro on TV, each trying to do impressions of Antonio Banderas (and were both equally terrible). Naminé was curled up in one of the armchairs, surely working on some kind of masterpiece in her sketchbook.

Roxas sat down and tried to concentrate on the movie, to no avail. He couldn't get the initial depressing thoughts out of his head. So after a while he sighed, stretched and got up to go outside onto the balcony.

Once outside, he sat on the plastic lounge chair— the uncomfortable plastic kind that stuck to his back— and let the warm salty sea air wash over him. He breathed in the scent that told him he was home; he felt a lump growing in his throat.

He heard the door slide open; he felt the cool conditioned air leak out as Sora stepped outside, as Roxas knew he would.

"You did it again, didn't you?" Sora said softly, shutting the door with a little click.

"No," Roxas lied. Sora was the only person that knew, he had spotted a bit of blood on the bathroom floor a few months ago. Even Axel didn't know.

"You're lying to me," he said simply. Roxas looked at him. He didn't look angry, on the contrary, he was giving him something of a puppy dog look. Sora never got angry. He only ever got worried. _He's gotta be the most selfless person in the worlds, _Roxas thought to himself.

Sora never worried about himself. When asked why, he said it was because he had nothing to worry about. That much was true; Sora was a carefree, happy-go-lucky teenaged boy at perfect ease with himself. So he spent his time caring for his friends and family instead. Namely, Roxas.

Roxas didn't say anything. Sora gingerly removed the wristband and examined the wounds, which had been cleaned and bound.

"…why?" He asked softly.

Roxas could see tears welling up in his kid brother's cerulean eyes. He hated seeing him like this. Sora shouldn't have to worry about him like this, it wasn't fair to him. He was nothing but good.

"I know you don't understand," he said, not meeting Sora's eyes, "but… it helps…"

Sora shook his head, "Roxas," he said, a single tear spilled out onto his cheek. "You _can't _keep this up. Did you even tell Axel yet?"

Roxas looked at his feet, "_You're _not even supposed to know," he said. He wiped the tear off of Sora's cheek, he couldn't stand looking at it. But to his dismay, that only led to more spilling over. He wiped each of them away as they came.

"Mom wouldn't want—" Sora started, then he shut up. Roxas sent him his famous death glare.

"_This isn't about Mom," _he hissed, letting his hands fall from his twin's face. He wouldn't let Sora make this about their mom. He would've shouted, but he didn't want the others to know something was up.

"What _is _it about then?" Sora asked calmly, but Roxas shook his head. Sora just didn't understand, and he never would.

"_Please _Rox, why won't you talk to me? If it's not Mom what is it?"

Roxas thought about it. He supposed if his mother never died, he wouldn't be messed up like this. He couldn't explain why he hated himself so much. He had lots of friends that adored him, but he always felt he didn't deserve their love. He wasn't special. He didn't see himself as any more than a pain. He knew his friends only called him the struggle champion because he participated in the tournaments, and that Zexion only complimented his writing because he knew it was Roxas' dream to become a writer. But in truth, he knew he had no special talents of any kind. He wasn't a very good friend, he wasn't nice, or funny, there was nothing likeable about him at all. Sometimes he thought Axel only stuck around because they'd known each other since childhood, and out of pity. Roxas _hated _being pitied. But he was too selfish to confront Axel, perchance he was right and their friendship would be ruined. He thought about what Axel said.

_I can't imagine life without you, Rox_

He couldn't imagine life without Axel either. He felt guilty for always wanting the poor kid around. He didn't deserve such a good friend…

"Roxas please answer me," Sora begged, "I want to _help._"

"I know, Sora. I don't think you can help. I don't really know what's wrong with me. But I do know that this… helps," he said, gesturing to the exposed flesh, "Ironically, I think of it like self-medication,"

They'd had these talks before, and Roxas really didn't want to stick around for the lecture.

"I'm going back in," he said, when Sora opened his mouth. He rebound his wounds, and when they were safely covered, he slid the door open and went inside, leaving Sora alone in the night.

Riku's POV

"Hey, Sora! You wanna row over to the little island? I'll race ya!"

They sat together on Riku's parent's dock, feet skimming the warm, perfectly clear salt water, looking out to the little island where they used to play as kids. They came here every year, so his parents kept both his and Sora's old wooden canoes, in case they ever wanted to use them.

Sora didn't answer right away, he looked pretty zoned out. He just sighed and stared off onto the distance, and for a moment Riku wasn't sure whether Sora had even heard him. This was not typical of him.

"Sora, you ok?"

The brunette looked up to meet a pair of pretty aquamarine eyes. When Riku was younger they were an icy blue, but now they had subtle hints of green, and right now they staring intently into Sora's.

"Yeah, I'm fine Riku," he said to his silver-haired companion, and climbed into his boat. Suddenly Riku recognized this passive behavior, and knew that it must've been to do with Roxas. The first time Sora confronted the blonde, he'd been sworn into secrecy. He promised to never tell a soul. But Riku saw that something was bothering him, and he didn't give up until Sora told him everything. Riku had listened patiently, then comforted his friend and promised he would never ask Roxas about it. Sora never even told him that he told Riku.

"It's Roxas, isn't it?" he asked, as they began rowing towards the island, "Something's up. You're worried about him," Sora stayed quiet, and they finished their journey in silence. When they finally reached their destination, Sora just rowed right into the sand bank instead of bothering to tie his boat up and the dock. He got and rolled over into the sand. Then, slowly, he nodded.

Riku sat down next to Sora, draping an arm over his shoulders, "You can't save everybody, Sor. He's gotta figure this out on his own."

Sora nodded. Then, to his surprise, he flung his arms around Riku and started crying.

"I-I just can't s-stand watching him—d-do that to himself!" He sobbed into Riku's shoulder.

Riku hated when Sora was upset; he tried to think of something to say to comfort him, but when Sora cried, he wanted to cry. So he didn't say anything. Instead, he wrapped his arms around his friend and rubbed circles on his back, like his mother used to do when he was small. Sora began to slow his breathing, his hitched breaths slowly became steady.

Despite his friend crying, Riku found himself smiling a little. He had his arms wrapped around Sora, who's head was buried in his collarbone. Sora, who was single. Sora, who was no longer dating their mahogany haired roommate. Sora, who for some time, Riku had a bit of a thing for.

_No, _he told himself sternly, wincing a little, _bad thoughts…_

Sora finally stopped crying, he lifted his head up, "Thank you, Riku," he smiled, still sniffling a little bit. "I'm okay now. And…" he whispered, "Last one to the paopu tree is a rotten egg!" He sang, and starting running toward the tiny islet with the particular tree.

Riku was shocked at how quickly Sora could recover from little episodes like that. He truly was something special, that Sora.

They spent the rest of the day playing juvenile games on the little island. _Our island, _Riku thought to himself.

All the children on the larger island came there to play, making elaborate clubhouses, bridges, and even swords out of wood. Riku and Sora came to it two years earlier, after Sora graduated high school and Riku finished his freshman year of college. They were a little old to be playing on the kids' island, but it was something they both missed about their home.

That was when they discovered the secret place near the waterfall. Hidden behind the tree off to the left was a little pocket in the cliff face. There was a little hole in the top, allowing the sun to shine through. They came back to the place every day that week to hang out, and carve pictures into the walls. It became their place.

They sat on the paopu tree, which was bent over so far it was horizontal, and watched the sun sink lower into the late afternoon sky. Sora suddenly jumped up and said, "Hey Riku! Let's go to our secret place!"

Riku didn't object, it was his favorite spot on the island after all. He got up and ran after Sora, trying to catch up with him, because to Sora, everything was always a race. Soon they were neck and neck, huffing and puffing, trying to reach the big tree before the other. Sora ws slightly behind him, and was slowing his pace slightly.

"Giving up already?" Riku teased, making for one final sprint. To his surprise, his and Sora's hands clapped onto the cool wet stone wall next to the waterfall at the exact same time with a loud smacking sound, breathing heavily. _Oh, please, don't take your shirt off, _Riku silently begged the brunette.

The opening of the hidden cave was small, but the inside was bigger than it looked. The ceiling was high enough for Riku, who stood 5' 11'' to stand up straight. He leaned against the wall and watched Sora, who walked over the picture that he and Kairi carved when he had brought her here. It showed the two of them, feeding each other a paopu fruit. Riku didn't like that picture. The legend of the paopu fruit said that if two people ate from the same fruit, their destinies would intertwine. They'd remain together forever and ever, no matter what, until the day they died. He was unsure whether the two ever actually did share one.

Sora sat cross-legged and started carving at Kairi's head. When he was done, Riku could see that she was still there, but a little bit different. Sora had made her hair long, straight and layered.

"This isn't her place," he said to Riku, "It's ours."

Riku smiled, then bit his lip. He didn't know if Sora realized just how _romantic _he was being.

Sora decided then, for apparently no reason at all, to hug Riku, gently wrapping his arms around him, letting them rest on his waist.

Before Riku thought about what he was doing, he tipped Sora's chin up and kissed him softly on the lips.

A million little alarms went off in Riku's head, screaming to him that this wasn't right, that _friends are not supposed to kiss their friends and Sora is straight_, screaming for him to stop. _Then again,_ _what's the point?_ He thought to himself, _It's out now. No taking that back later._

So he stayed still and gently tried to coax a response from the brunette, very softly beginning to move his lips. His heart soared in pure ecstasy as Sora seemed to be responding. The smaller boy brought his hands up to touch Riku's face, then abruptly forced them apart. He stared up at Riku with ocean blue eyes, wide with shock.

Riku ran one hand though his hair. He felt so stupid now. What was he supposed to say? Their friendship was obviously ruined, what did he have left to do? He was left stuttering like an idiot. "Right. Uhh sorry I—"

Sora cut Riku off by taking his face (which he'd never let go of in the first place and crushing their lips together. Riku widened his eyes involuntarily for a moment with shock from Sora's interest, but then promptly shut them, taking in everything he could from this. After all, who knew what this meant when it came to Sora? He dropped his arms to Sora's shoulders and forced him against the cool cave wall, deepening the kiss considerably. He licked Sora's lips, asking for entry, who gladly let him in. He felt Sora's tongue slide into his mouth, swirling around his own as they wrestled for dominance, after a moment or two, Sora gave in and slipped down the wall a little. He moved his hands through Riku's hair, twisting his fingers and creating knots, before slowly moving down to settle on his neck. Riku's hands moved down to grip his waist, half from passion and half to prevent Sora falling down. Then he snuck one hand under the other boy's shirt. Nipping hungrily at Sora's lips, he ran his hand all over his torso, deepening the kiss even more. Sora whimpered a little when Riku's hand grazed over his nipples.

Riku broke the kiss, moving his mouth over Sora's cheeks, leaving a trail of kisses down to his neck. Sora arched his back to bring them closer together, and moaned as Riku kissed and sucked the sensitive part of his neck, leaving a large hickey. Eventually he stopped and looked at Sora before kissing him softly once, twice, three times, then pulled back as Sora opened his eyes.

"You're very good at that you know," Riku said, smirking. Sora blushed, "Sooooo what now?" He decided he'd leave that much to Sora, after all, _he _had kissed _him._ But Sora kissed back, didn't he?

"Now… I suppose we get to go tell my family," he said it like it was a question, Riku realized he was making sure it was okay that they have an official relationship.

He wasn't really that surprised, he had a reputation as a bit of a whore, and Sora knew he had slept with a lot of girls. But what Sora didn't know was that Riku'd wanted him for over a year now. He didn't hide his excitement as he slipped his hand into Sora's and intertwined their fingers.

"Sounds good to me, babe,"

Roxas' POV

"Wait, what now?"

Sora and Riku had called Roxas, Naminé, Cloud and Leon (who thankfully were fully dressed and bored) into the kids' room. Naminé, who had already been in there when they'd arrived, closed her sketchbook and gave them her attention. She seemed to know what was coming. Cloud and Leon sat together on the loveseat, and Roxas stayed standing. He had just come back from the pool and wondered what was going on. Leon had nodded and said, "The floor is yours."

Sora and Riku had been sitting at the foot of their bed, "Uhh," Sora started, "Me and Riku just wanted to tell you all that we're… well, together."

Roxas did a double take. "Wait what now?" he intervened. He honestly couldn't say he hadn't been expecting it a little, as the two were so close, and Sora was a hopeless flirt, but to be fair it had come on very suddenly, and very soon after Kairi.

Naminé just smiled, nodded once to acknowledge them, then went back into sketchbook. Roxas could swear he heard her whisper, "_I knew it."_

"He's my _boyfriend,_" Riku stated flatly to Roxas.

Cloud eyed the hickey on Sora's neck, then briefly pinched the bridge of his nose, then said, "Since when are you gay, Sora?"

Sora shrugged and took Riku's hand, "I dunno, since now. You don't…" he eyed his father suspiciously, "have a _problem _with that, do you?"

"I— no. Of course not. That'd be a bit hypocritical of me, wouldn't it?" he said, slipping an arm around his husband's waist, "You'll always be welcome in the family, Riku," he added to the silverette who now held Sora on his lap.

Leon leaned over and whispered something into Cloud's ear, who gave a rare smirk.

Roxas' eyes narrowed. Why did he get the feeling they were talking about him? He didn't consider it too much now, he had a few questions he needed to ask Sora. He wasn't exactly sure why they were itching at his brain, but he needed to know…

"A moment?" he said to Sora.

"Okie dokie," said Sora cheerfully, hopping off his new boyfriend's lap and following his twin brother outside.

"What's up?" Sora asked, after the door was shut and they were all alone.

"When did you start liking Riku?" Roxas asked him seriously.

"I don't really know," Sora confessed. "I sort of felt it coming on the first time when we went over to the little island. But it was… kind of a familiar feeling. It was like… it had been there all along."

"Romantic," Roxas said sarcastically, "but when did you, you know, know?"

"Well, I kinda just acted on impulse when he kissed me," Sora said, blushing a little bit, "It just seemed—wait, why so interested?" he said, skeptically.

"Wha—I'm not!" he said defensively, "I was just curious."

"But why bring me out here?" Sora asked smugly, lacing his fingers and putting his hands behind his head.

"I… I didn't want to ask… in front of Riku, 'cause I thought he might be weird about it," he lied on his toes.

Sora didn't seem to buy it. He narrowed his eyes a moment, then said, "Yeah… okay. I'm gonna go back inside now, if you don't have anything else you wanna talk about."

Roxas knew that Sora was itching to get back to Riku, so he shook his head no and Sora ran back into their room. He was barely alone a moment when Naminé came out.

"Do you mind if I sit with you?" she asked, timidly, "The lighting is better out here,"

He gestured toward the seat next to him, "Have at it, baby sister." She smiled and took a seat. Roxas was always curious to see what she was drawing, she was rather good at it. His jaw dropped when he saw what she was working on. It was Riku, looking at Sora. She had a tiny photo clipped to the corner of the page but he thought the drawing captured them better than the picture did.

It was taken at the airport while they were waiting for their flight. Sora was smiling and waving at the camera, but Riku was watching Sora. The level of love and adoration in his eyes was unmistakable. He looked at him like a mother looked at her newborn child, like he was the most wonderful thing he'd ever seen.

"Wow, how did any of us miss that?" he muttered to himself, "You knew all this time?" he asked Naminé.

She smiled a little, and said, "I saw it the first time a little less than a year ago, but this is just from Sunday." It amazed Roxas that she could make such a beautiful work of art in only a few days.

_Sora's really lucky,_ Roxas thought. "What else have you been working on?" he asked his sister.

Naminé's cheeks… flushed? Roxas was very curious now. She was never boastful, but she was always eager to show her work off to anyone who asked.

She didn't turn the pages, but she allowed Roxas to take the book off her lap and flick through it himself. He started from the beginning: an angel, a tiger, Kairi, a child on a swing, Zexion reading by a window, the beach, Demyx strumming his sitar, Sora and Riku, the little island, he and Axel—wait, he and Axel?

He studied the picture. It showed the two of them on the couch in their apartment, presumably playing a video game. Roxas was pointing and laughing at the TV screen, and Axel was pointing and laughing at Roxas.

He noticed three unusual things about the drawing. The most obvious was that it was in full color, unlike Naminé's style. The colors of Axel's hair and eyes stood out well. The second oddity was Roxas, he was smiling. Roxas _never _smiled. The thing that stuck out the most to Roxas though, was Axel's eyes. Though he was grinning broadly, the look in his eyes was identical to Riku's. He looked… like he was seeing the sun for the first time.

Roxas was sure he'd never seen Axel look at him like _that_ before, but then again, it wasn't often he looked Axel in the eyes anyway. Then he noticed yet another thing that was strange about it; she didn't have a photograph to go along with it like she did the others.

"No photo?" he asked. She didn't meet his eyes.

"I didn't need one," she said quietly.

"How come?"

"I've seen you two like that so often I probably could have done this with my eyes closed,"

He shook his head. _No, _he thought, _that can't be right, I don't laugh, I don't smile. _He considered the matter a moment. When he was with Axel, he realized, he didn't feel alone and isolated and miserable like he did the rest of the time. He wondered for a moment why he never noticed this before, but the answer came to him almost as quickly as he'd asked the question. It was because when they were together, he was too wrapped up in whatever they were doing or discussing to care about anything else.

_Oh, God, _he thought. Was he in love with Axel?

_No, _he told himself firmly, pushing the idea out of his thoughts. _Don't be ridiculous, you aren't gay. He's your best friend. Best friends are supposed to do that for each other._

'_Best friends don't look at each other that way,' _another voice in his mind sneered.

_He's not looking at me in a special way, _he told himself. _Besides, it's a drawing. There's not even a photo for it. Naminé could easily be making that up._

'_She was right about Sora and Riku,' _the voice pointed out.

_No, _he repeated to himself, with finality, _I'm not in love with Axel. Besides, that would totally freak him out. Just entertaining the idea is freaking _me _out. _

"It's really good," he told Naminé, pretending the picture was like any other. She gave him a look similar to the one Sora gave him just a few moments ago.

"Thanks, Rox."

**Please tell me what you thought, and if the SoRiku was a bit too fast moving... keep in mind that this was originally supposed to be a oneshot!**


	3. Shopping

**Thank GOD I managed to get this one reuploaded finally. It was possibly the most poorly written chapter in the entire book! So many changes in POV! Anyway, I cleaned it up a little bit so its not as all over the place. Hope you like it ^^**

Demyx's POV

"He'll be back soon, bro," Demyx sang, twirling around in what he thought was an adorable little dance and singing into a hairbrush, "You gotta stop hangin around and being emo, you'll turn into Zexion!" He motioned over towards the slate hair figure that sat at the kitchen counter, studying, like always.

Zexion took hardly any notice of him. If anything he rolled his eyes. "Oh ha-ha," he deadpanned.

"I'm not being emo," Axel stated defiantly. Demyx knew he was lying. It'd been _days _since he set anything on fire. If that wasn't proof enough of Axel's "depression," he didn't know what was. He shot Axel a look that clearly said, "don't think you can trick me, I'm obviously much smarter than you.

"I'm not!" Axel said again upon noticing the look, "I'm just bored is all."

Well, that was safe to say, Demyx concluded. The redhead _was _obviouslybored. He had actually finished his dissertation that was due to Professor Vexen at the beginning of term, with Zexion's help. He had checked it twice. Then he cleaned his room, or rather, held an archaeological dig site in the area where he slept. He'd dug up a bunch of stuff he didn't even realize he had anymore: an Agrabah t-shirt he'd gotten while on vacation with Roxas; a picture of himself in Twilight Towns awful orange graduation gown, one arm slung around Roxas; the very first zippo lighter he ever had, Roxas had bought it for him; a photo album of himself and Roxas at the Olympus Coliseum. Roxas, Demyx realized, pretty much owned his life. Here he was, cleaning to keep himself busy because the kid wasn't around to entertain him. Yeah, they were definitely in love. He just knew it.

"Hurry up and come home, will ya Roxy?" Axel muttered to himself when he thought Demyx wasn't listening.

As funs as it probably would've been to stick around and torment Axel about the little boy crush he so obviously had, Demyx had other matters to attend to. The news had just reached his ears that Larxene would be having a costume party next week, and he knew that if no one took the initiative to actually pull Zexion's face out of that book and take him shopping, he wouldn't get a costume. Therefore he wouldn't go to the party. And where would the fun be then for Demyx? After all, he'd _also _been invited to play a song on stage, presenting quite a lovely opportunity…

See, Demyx had had a bit of a crush on Zexion for the last few weeks. Okay, maybe it was more than a bit, and it was for longer than a couple of weeks…try about two years. Wait, had Demyx known him for that long? Anyway, he'd never gotten up the courage to tell him, nor could he figure out how, and this mini concert was just the thing he needed…as long as he could get the message across.

So, that being said, Axel wasn't exactly on his top list of priorities. So he simply ignored the redhead and checked from across the room to see what Zexion was reading. It appeared to be a physics textbook, along with several pages of note. Demyx mentally calculated that with all the time he spent in that silly book, Zexion _had _to know it by heart. Therefore for whatever reason he may have been studying it, it wasn't absolutely critical. Therefore it was okay to bother him.

"Ohhhh Zexy!" he called, bounding over to where the slate haired boy sat. He leapt up onto the barstool, grinning ear to ear, and waited (in what he thought was a very patient manner) for Zexion to respond to him.

"Must you insist on calling me 'Zexy?'" he asked wearily, finally looking up and turning his attention to Demyx, "You know I prefer Zexion."

"Yep!" Demyx replied cheerfully. Of course he was gonna call him Zexy. One, because nobody else did, so that automatically made it a cute little pet name as far as Demyx was concerned. And two, because it rhymed with sexy! And obviously that's exactly what Zexion was.

"Did you actually want something, or did you just come to distract me?" he asked irritably, "I am studying you know."

_Only your heart, _Demyx thought to himself, his smile faltering just a bit, "Awe, Zex, I just wanted to know if you were gonna go to the costume party next week! You know, the one Larxy's having. If you are, _which you are, because I say so, _then we should probably go shopping for outfits.

Zexion appeared taken aback. It wasn't often people invited him out after all. Judging by the conflicted look on his face, Demyx was sure he was at least _considering _it. So he gave him his best puppy dog eyes and silently pleaded for an excuse to hang out. He knew he'd get his way eventually, he always did when he opened up a can of pout.

"Why you're making me do this is beyond my comprehension," Zexion complained from inside the dressing room.

_Because you probably look like sex on legs right now, that's why, _Demyx thought to himself. "Drama queen!" he shouted, "Come on out, lemme see!"

"You won't even show me your own costume, Demyx. Besides, I'm not going to wear this anyway, I look ridiculous," he reasoned. Nu-uh. No way was he going to deny Demyx the opportunity to see him like this. Time for that can of pout, as promised.

"Because it's a surpriiiiiiiiiiiise," he whined. Loudly, shrilly, and annoyingly, "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese I wanna seeeeeee!"

"Urghh,"

Zexion stepped out of the dressing room, wearing a French Maid costume, the kind that had a skirt riding up higher than the average high schooler's miniskirt and a neckline dipping down low enough to reveal a delicious ivory collarbone. The costume was even complete with fishnets and high heels. Demyx dropped his shopping bag, and probably his jaw too. He looked… _really hot. _Like nosebleed hot. _Sexy Zexy, _he thought to himself, blushing and scrambling to pick up the bag that held his own costume.

"Well?" said Zexion, putting his hands on his hips, making him look… _very _naughty in Demyx's opinion. He struggled to keep himself collected.

"Ohhhhhhhh mah GAWWWWD, Zexy, you look fantastic!" he exclaimed. That's something he'd say isn't it?

Zexion scoffed, "I look silly," he stated shortly, " Not to mention highly inappropriate. I will not wear this in public."

"But you don't! Everybody's supposed to look a _little _silly! Really, you look so adorable!" He pleaded. That wasn't something he'd normally risk saying to someone he had a crush on. But Zexion was such a blockhead (an extremely smart, and sexy blockhead) that Demyx doubted he'd see anything out of the ordinary in a comment like that. He'd get around to telling his roommate how he felt about him eventually, but for right now he enjoyed being able to shamelessly stare at him without raising any suspicion.

Zexion folded his arms and glared, "Demyx, _look at me._" Demyx happily obliged, "I look like a bimbo."

"A very very _cute _bimbo," Demyx sang. Oops, did he just say that out loud? Zexion scowled.

"I don't want to look _cute_," Zexion complained, still not taking any notice to all the compliments that Demyx was showering him with.

"Well you can't possibly be going for manly with hair like _that_!" Demyx pointed out.

Zexion's POV

He could sense that the argument was useless and he wasn't going to win without seeing his bouncy friend pout all day. It was only logical to simply go along with whatever Demyx wanted, to avoid the arguing, whining, and headache that was sure to come about if he refused.

"_Fine!" _He snapped, rolling his eyes. He really didn't want to admit defeat, but on the other hand he was supposed to be the bigger person in situations like these. Not to mention he wanted to get out of that infernal dress as quickly as possible. The lace was extremely uncomfortable.

"Yay!" Demyx shouted, skipping a little in place. Zexion cut him off quickly.

"But you have to _promise _to let me study for the rest of the evening without being disturbed. That means no asking dumb questions, no playing sitar in the living room—"

"—deal!" Demyx agreed before Zexion was even finished.

_Why did you just agree to that? _He asked himself, shutting himself back into the dressing room to put his normal clothes back on. _Not only now will I become subject to ridicule by all of my roommates, but everyone who will be attending Larxene's party as well, which is basically everyone I know. _If minds could shrug, his would have. _Well, I guess it's not like I really have much of a reputation to worry about in the first place. I only have to wear the stupid thing for one night. Besides, it shut him up._

_There's more to it than that, isn't there?_ He probed, searching for the root of such a foolish decision on his part. _ You've grown to care for the idiot; that stupid, ridiculous, overly hyper, obnoxious… _adorable_ idiot. _He gave up.

_Maybe I have. Maybe I haven't. There's no sense in arguing the matter, even with myself. IF I—erm, like Demyx, nobody shall know. _He thought this with a tone of finality, sighing as he watched his mullet-headed friend skipped over to the cash register.

"Hey, Axel!" Demyx cried, bursting through the door and strutting into the house John Wayne style; Zexion following, but keeping a fair distance behind him. He was almost afraid that Axel would see right through his new revelations. And, well, Axel being Axel, it wouldn't be good.

The redhead in question looked up amusedly at the sound of his name. Zexion wondered idly if he had been sitting on the couch the entire time they were out.

"Stick 'em up!" Demyx cried, pointing invisible guns at Axel. He playfully held up both his hands.

"Stick 'em up?' Not getting into trouble now are we?" he teased, wiggling his eyebrow. Demyx turned a light color pink at the innuendo, and Zexion struggled to keep his composure and remain unfazed. Nothing had changed between the time they left to the time they came home. At least, that's what he needed Axel to believe.

"We were just getting costumes for the party next Friday," said Zexion coolly, "I don't suppose you have yours yet."

"Yeah, I do actually," Axel said, "I got it yesterday, when I first heard about the party. Like I said, I'm bored out of my pants and I had nothing else to do. It kept me busy for a while. I think I can take a guess as to what his is," he adding, jabbing a thumb in Demyx's direction.

He immediately stopped the John Wayne façade, "Huh? Oh no, this isn't my costume," he said, "I was just being goofy. You gonna tell me what yours is?" he asked curiously.

For some reason, Axel found this funny. He chuckled to himself a few times before addressing Demyx's poor confused face, "Actually, mullet-brain, that's the one thing I _can't _do," he said snidely, chuckling to himself again. _Probably some inside joke pertaining to what his costume is, _Zexion concluded.

"Well fine! I'm not gonna show you mine then!" said Demyx, sticking his tongue out at the redhead.

"You weren't planning on telling anybody anyway, Dem," Zexion pointed out. "—yx." He tacked on quickly for good measure. There was no way he was gonna start using nicknames now.

Axel raised an eyebrow. _Fuck. _He'd been caught. He tried to cover himself up by quickly burying himself back into the book he'd been reading earlier, but as soon as Demyx bounced out of sight, Axel approached him, and he had no choice but to sigh and slam his book shut for the second time that day.

"Soooooo," said Axel, elbowing the younger male, "Costume shopping, huh? Never woulda thought."

Zexion shot him a glare, "It was Demyx's idea. I went along." He said in what he hoped was a dismissive tone.

"What did you get?"

Zexion felt his cheeks suddenly get very hot and red. If Axel found out what he had for a costume… dear God, he would never hear the end of it. "Don't worry about it," he mumbled very quietly, "it's ridiculous and inappropriate."

Apparently Axel didn't comprehend what was said, either that or he didn't care because he conversationally asked, "Can I see?"

Zexion shook his head, "I'd prefer you didn't, thank you."

"That's okay, I'll ask Demyx," he said cheerfully. Despite Zexion's fruitless protests, Axel called, "Ohhhh Demyx!"

The sound of a person bounding down a flight of stairs was heard, presumably Demyx. The steps grew louder, but suddenly there was a shriek and a loud crashing noise, accompanied by an 'ow!' and a cussword. Yep, definitely Demyx. A few seconds later he poked his head through the doorway.

"Yeah, what's up?" he panted, trying to catch his breath. Zexion couldn't help but smirk to himself. Trust Demyx to tumble down the stairs. Probably tripped over his own foot.

"You okay there, Dem?" Axel asked him amusedly.

Demyx grinned sheepishly, "Yeah, I just tripped and fell down the stairs again," he said, to which Axel smirked and shook his head in mock shame. "Anyway, what did you want?"

Axel's grin grew, "Oh, right! Zexion's been _begging _me to check out his new costume, he simply can't contain his excitement over it, would you mind showing me?"

Mullet-Brain looked delighted. "Yeah, course! Be right back!"

Zexion just put his head down on the table and groaned. It's not like he even had a minute to tell Demyx _not _to bring the costume down, because of course, being the over-energetic prat he was, he'd already sprinted back up the stairs. Within seconds he returned, swinging the white plastic bag back and forth. He grinned ear to ear, and held up the French Maid outfit for Axel to see.

Silence for a moment, then Axel burst into loud guffaws. Between laughs, he managed to say, "That—ahahaha—would look—psheeheehee—absolutely _adorable _on you! Hahaha It'll totally bring our your eyes!"

Demyx giggled a little. Zexion, who still had his head on the table, raised an arm to flip him off. The dirty blonde skipped back upstairs, bringing the costume with him. Axel waited until he could hear the sound of a sitar floating into the kitchen before he turned to Zexion.

"I was just screwing with you, bro. I know only Sitar Man would pick out something like that. But just out of curiosity," he smirked a little, "why the hell would you ever agree to wear something like that?"

Zexion shrugged, "It made him happy," he said simply. Axel cocked an eyebrow suspiciously at this, so he added, "I just mean it shut him up. I have a sixth sense, you see, I can sense impending headaches, and Demyx, well…" he trailed off.

Axel snorted. Zexion knew he wasn't talking sense, so he just sat quiet and waited for Axel to say whatever it was he had to say.

"And the question never occurred to you as to _why _he would want you to wear something like that in the first place?"

He stared blankly. To be completely honest, the question _had _never occurred to him. His IQ was off the charts, and he didn't think to question that? He just assumed that Demyx was, well… being Demyx. Axel got up and started walking away. "You are totally blind, dude," he said, grabbing a beer from the refrigerator and heading towards his room.

Before Zexion was sure he was completely out of earshot he muttered, "I'm not as blind as you think I am."

Roxas' POV

"Roxy! My lil' buddy's home!"

Roxas turned his head toward the familiar voice to see Axel bounding toward him. When the redhead reached him he pulled him into a rib-cracking bear hug. The impact alone knocked the wind out of him.

"I—I missed you too, Axe," he gasped, trying to catch his breath. After a moment he simply gave up and wrapped his arms around his friend, returning the hug. He had missed him a lot more than he thought he would. This was due to Sora and Riku's new relationship he suspected. It wasn't much fun hanging out with them while they were romancing each other the way every new couple did. He felt extremely awkward, like a third wheel. As for Naminé, as much as he loved his sister, she was very quiet, and spent most of her time either drawing or doing god knows what on her laptop, so she didn't really make the best company either.

Roxas wiggled from Axel's death grip and turned to say goodbye to everyone, but found that Sora and Riku had already left, and Kairi and Naminé were running towards Naminé's car. Cloud and Leon were… _ewe_, kissing passionately against Leon's van. So Roxas ignored them and turned to Axel.

"Where's your car parked?" he asked weakly.

"So where're we going?" Roxas asked casually, leaning his head against the window. He still hadn't quite gotten over that "sitting in a plane all day" fatigue, and hoped that Axel wasn't about to take him anywhere crazy, like a club or an amusement park.

"Shopping," Axel sang, winking at him.

Roxas' head snapped up. Well, he certainly hadn't been expecting that one, "Dude? Shopping?"

Axel laughed, "Relax, bro, it's for the party on Friday. I guess Larxene invited pretty much everyone. It's like this big to-do. I think they rented out the gym for the whole night."

Larxene was extremely rich and extremely snotty. She was very picky about who she allowed herself to be seen with. Roxasl suspected the only reason she invited a bunch of misfits like them was because she had a bit of a thing for him, which he didn't reciprocate. Quite the contrary, he was actually a bit afraid of her. He'd seen her angry before, and it was possibly the second most terrifying experience he'd had in his young life. He half expected her to shoot lightning bolts from her fingertips.

"Why do we need to shop for that?" Roxas asked, "We have party clothes, it's not like I need a ball gown or anything.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, it's a _costume _party," he said with a smirk.

"Axel." Roxas said through his teeth, "I. Don't. Do. Costume parties!"

"You do now. The entire gang's going, Rox, everyone will have one on. Besides, I don't think you could possibly be worse off than poor Zexion.

"Why, what happened?" Roxas asked curiously. Axel told him all about the French Maid costume and what he thought about the two of them.

"You really think Zexion likes him?" he mused, "Like I know Demyx makes it obvious, but they seem so different… but then again, opposites attract… Oh! Speaking of which, I forgot to tell you about Sora and Riku!"

"Gee, first your dad, now Sora, isn't _anybody _in your family straight?" Axel teased, playfully elbowing Roxas.

He chose not to answer right away. Like most people their age, they had both questioned their sexuality before, talking openly about it. After several hours of discussing their attractions to certain people and features and preferences and what they overall saw in a person, Axel came to the conclusion that he was bi-curious to say the least, but Roxas still wasn't sure. Not wanting to confront the situation, he simply labeled himself as pansexual. It was commonly thought that Roxas was asexual, because he'd never had a relationship or hooked up before. It wasn't true, he'd had crushes before, but they were never major and they didn't happen often. He liked to think his preferences ran deeper than appearance, anyway.

Axel, on the other hand, wasn't fazed by the idea of any sexuality. Roxas was sure that if he decided that he was the flameyest of the flamers (pun intended) that he would have no problem casually saying so. He was just one of those people who naturally accepted that people liked what they liked, and that was all there was to it.

Roxas wondered briefly whether Axel was asking him if he was gay too, like his family. As uneager to confront the matter as he was last time they talked about it, he just shrugged and said, "Eh, it doesn't bother me any."

There wasn't any parking outside the costume shop, so they had to park a block away. When they arrived at the parking lot, there was an ambulance in the lot, a tow truck, which was in the process of loaded two totaled cars, and one other car which appeared completely unharmed. Nobody said they couldn't park there, so they did.

From what Roxas could hear, a drunk driver had made s head-on collision with a cab driver. No survivors.

As he walked toward the street, he could see a man slumped against the brick wall of an adjacent building. He had his head in his hands and was sobbing quietly, moaning in despair, "Why didn't I just pick her up?"

The words deeply affected Roxas. Even though the accident was in no way caused by this man, Roxas could tell he was feeling extremely guilty. He couldn't begin to imagine the pain and loss he was experiencing. Roxas began wondering who "she" was. Had she been his wife? His sister? His daughter? What sort of life was she living, did she have any children? She was gone, forever, leaving everybody she loved and cared about behind. Why had she needed a ride? Was she the driver, who called and asked for a ride home before resorting to driving drunk? Or had she been somewhere else (Where? He wondered) and chose to call a cab because the man didn't come for her.

Axel seemed to sense that Roxas was troubled.

"Rox, are you okay?" he asked.

Roxas shook his head. "I can't stop thinking about the guy back there, from the accident. He's never gonna see "her" again, and it's all his fault. At least, he thinks it is.

Axel nodded, but then said, "I know… but sometimes these things just happen. There's nothing anybody can do about it."

"Yeah… I know, but," he threw his arms around Axel, "what if it had been you? I don't know what I'd do with myself if I ever let that happen to you."

He could feel Axel chuckle a little, then he said, "I'm not going anywhere, Roxy."

Roxas let go and looked at his feet. Suddenly he felt really silly for basically breaking down on Axel like that. Seriously, what had gotten into him lately. "I feel so lame," he said sheepishly, "getting all worked up over people I don't even know."

Axel shrugged. "Chicks dig it when guys have a sensitive side."

Without another word, Roxas released him, and they continued to walk down the street to the costume shop.

Axel's POV

"This feels kind of tight," Roxas complained from inside the dressing room.

"It's _supposed _to be tight. Can you imagine Superman wearing baggy pants?" He reasoned.

Roxas came out of the dressing room to show Axel. Aside from the overall juvenile appearance, he looked pretty good. The nylon hugged the contours of his body in all the right places. _Ohmyjeez,_ Axel thought, _Roxas has abs?_

"I feel like I'm four," he whined, then he pouted.

Axel couldn't help but giggle a little, "You were the one who grabbed it," he pointed out.

"I'm taking it off," he said, turning to go back into the dressing room. He muttered, "shoulda went with Batman." Axel wasn't sure if that was meant for him to hear or not.

Axel thought about some of the things they'd talked about earlier. _I don't know what I'd do with myself if I let that happen to you…_ the words rang clear in his mind, and he'd been touched by them. He didn't know Roxas cared so much, he always acted indifferent about everything. Or at least he tried to. Now and then Axel could see a hint of sadness in the blonde's eyes. He worried about him more than he would ever admit to anyone. The kid had been quiet and scared most of his life, even now sometimes he came to sleep in Axel's room if the nightmares got too bad, it can't possibly be sunshine and daisies for him.

"How's it look?" he called

"I look like Xigbar," Roxas replied, stepping out. He wore a loose white shirt that plumed at the sleeves, it showed his chest; he worse a belt with a skull buckle and a pretend sword wedged through it, ripped brown pants, tucked into classic pirate boots. To complete the outfit, he also wore an eye patch and a bandana.

Professor Xigbar taught physics at TTU, and he wore an eye patch. Although he wouldn't tell them how he got it, he had a pretty easygoing sense of humor about it, often cracking pirate jokes himself.

"Nah, you look good," Axel said. It was a lot better than _his _costume.

"Really? You think I should get it?" Roxas asked.

"It looks the best out of all the ones you picked out so far," said Axel, who in truth was just starting to get bored, he understood now why Sora never wanted to take Kairi shopping.

Roxas examined himself in the mirror from a few different angles. After a minute or so he turned to Axel and said, "Alright, I guess I'll be a pirate for not-Halloween this year."

He shut the door to the dressing room once again to change. He came out moments later, costume of choice in hand.

"All set?" Axel asked. Roxas nodded. While Roxas was paying for his costume Axel remembered the accident in the parking lot. There was a possibility it hadn't been cleaned up yet…

"Hey Roxas, wanna grab some ice cream before heading home?"

**Until next time!**


	4. Never Drink The Punch!

**Hai :3 Chapter four, re uploaded. Because I decided that not only did it need editing (the ENTIRE STORY needed editing) but because I promised M rated yaoi, and looking back, it seemed to be missing. Soooooooooo what did i do? *SPOILER ALERT* I wrote a delicious ravenous sex scene just for you ^^ now say thank you and go read it ;)**

**Again: sorry if I spoiled it for you, at least i didn't give away any story details. **

Demyx's POV

Demyx had just finished getting dressed when Axel and Roxas came home. They had barely gotten through the door when Kairi and Naminé, who were nearing borderline drunk, took their brothers on their arms and began steering each toward his own bedroom.

"Hey! What the hell, Kairi! What are you doing!" Axel yelled, sounding rather irritated and confused.

"Go get changed," she ordered. She giggled and stumbled awkwardly.

"What? Why!" Naminé stumbled toward him and gave him a good hard shove into his room and shut the door behind him.

"Because you're going to a party," said Naminé in a serene matter-of-fact tone; she was a happy drunk, Demyx knew.

"A party?" Axel called back, "For fuck's sake, Roxas just got back from an _eight hour flight, _he probably doesn't want to go to a party!"

"_I don't hear you getting changed!"_

He quit paying attention right around there though; he was too busy staring at Zexion, who was delicately painting his fingernails black for the occasion. The indigo-haired boy had dressed in impossibly tight dark blue skinny jeans and a black short sleeved V-neck over black and white striped long sleeves. He also wore a fair amount of charcoal eyeliner and a choker. He might be a bit socially awkward, but Demyx had to admit, the boy knew how to dress to impress. He thought he just might faint; his too tight pants seemed to be shrinking. He ran a quick look-around to make sure no one could see. Kairi and Naminé were too preoccupied with the boys to notice, not to mention drunk, and Zexion was still doing his nails.

Axel was first to come out, sporting his usual clubbing wear: tight black jeans with accented red sticking, a black vest over a white t-shirt, accessorized with checkered wristbands and an intentionally loosely placed red tie. Demyx supposed he was trying to go with the "punk rock" look. Though if he saw it in a magazine he'd shake his head in an instant, Axel seemed to be able to make it work.

Axel _did _see notice looking at Zexion, Demyx was sure, because out of the corner of his eye he saw the redhead smirking at him. He didn't care. He knew Axel knew, he also knew that Axel wasn't one to drop hints. And if he did… well, he did it too often for anyone to ever take him seriously.

Then Roxas came out of his room, having unfortunately chosen to wear leather pants for the evening that, were he not fawning over Zexion, would even make Demyx bleed from the nose. He immediately located the girls and stated yelling at them, demanding to know why he was being forced to go to a party. All they did in response was giggle and fall over each other, so Demyx interfered.

"They're insisting we have a boys' night out, so that _they _can have a girls' night in," Demyx explained, wiggling his eyebrows. Roxas groaned.

"I'm so not in the fucking mood," he huffed, only to be grabbed and shaken by his sister. Demyx chose then to just step back, out the line of fire, and let them fight it out for themselves. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Axel watching the angry little blonde, an expression of amusement mixed with endearment mixed with lust settled on his face.

_Damn, they're oblivious._

Axel's POV

"Remind me again whose party this is?" Roxas asked for the fifth time. The first four times surely he couldn't have understood them under the fit of giggles.

"It's Marluxia's, how many ti-hi-hi-himes ahahahaha—"

Axel was barely listening but instead was looking at Roxas, who admittedly looked _very _good, all dressed in leather… an image suddenly burst into his mind of himself peeling that leather off of the blonde's sweaty writing body; his eyes crossed. Suddenly he realized the, well, _wrongness _of said image and quickly shook it from his head

_What the _fuck_ are you thinking! _He hissed at himself, doubting anyone would notice it over the noisy din that was sure to have the neighbors complaining if they didn't quite down sometime soon.

He found himself being shoved roughly out the door by laughing girls. He could swear he caught a glimpse of Strawberry Smirnoff's just before the door swung shut.

_Have fun, girls, _he thought, offering a hand to Roxas, who had fallen on his ass off the stoop when they shut the door in his face. The six of them piled excitedly into Riku's van, chattering away, save for Roxas. He stretched out over two of the three seats on the back bench, resting his head and neck on Axel. He didn't mind any.

Marluxia's parties we're nothing strange to them, the gang attended almost all of them. He always hosted them at his house, but that was just as effective as going to a club; he was loaded. He had a full bar, a dance floor with working lazers and strobe lights, there was always someone working the DJ booth, he even had a pool and hot tub which guests were allowed to use.

Axel could immediately tell when they were coming close to the house. Even though he wasn't looking out the window, he could hear, and feel, the beat all the way out to the street. Even the lawn was packed with teenagers and young adults, all bent on getting smashed until they couldn't remember where they were. Looking around at Roxas, he could see a pout on the blonde's lips, a telltale sign that he didn't really feel like being there.

"You don't have to dance if you don't want to!" he shouted into Roxas' ear once they were inside, "I'll sit at the bar with you."

Roxas nodded gratefully as they linked hands and made their way through the sea of people to the bar, which was illuminated by green neon lights, shining like a lighthouse. Some situations required being polite to get from point A to B. This was not one of them. They both knew that if they wanted to get anywhere, they couldn't be nice about it. Roxas let Axel lead the way as he plowed through the group of people in order to reach their destination.

"Screwdriver," he said to the bartender, out of breath, when they both finally stumbled onto the bar stools. The very best thing about Marluxia's parties: free drinks.

"Shot of gin," Roxas deadpanned. "Double."

Axel was surprised; Roxas wasn't usually big on drinking.

"Feeling up to partying tonight are we?" he said to Roxas, who just shook his head.

"No," he replied steadily, as their drinks arrived, "I just need this right now." _Holy shit, was he gonna drink all that at once?_

He did. He downed the whole thing, all at once. He didn't even have a _chaser._ That was hardcore Tequila! Axel had to admit the kid was ballsy, _Marluxia _couldn't even have done that. Speak of the devil…

"Hey guys!" came a rather feminine voice. Marluxia was prancing gracefully toward them, his shoulder length pink hair teased to perfection, "Glad you could make it!"

"Thanks for inviting us," Roxas said politely.

"It's always a pleasure having you guys. I brought you some punch," he said cheerfully, handing each of them a plastic red cup, the kind that screamed '_Don't drink out of me, or you will end up waking up in another state covered in barbecue sauce'_ then continued, "As always, you're welcome to the pool, hot tub, and dance machines."

He turned his head at the sound of his name being called; a few more people had arrived.

"Oh! Gotta go! I'll see you guys later!" he said, kissing them each on the cheek and skipping off.

"I swear, I wonder whether he's really a boy sometimes," said Axel, rubbing the spot where Marluxia had kissed him, "He fell out of the gay tree, hit every gay branch on the way down, and landed on a gay guy, and then he _did _him!" he took a long swig of his screwdriver.

He and Roxas both put the menacing red cups to the side—they knew better than to drink the punch.

They stayed seated awhile in their little oasis, talking about Marluxia and everyone else there and how Roxas was tired and irritated, and pretty much anything else that came to mind. But several minutes and drinks later the bar was starting to get crowded, and the more backed up it go, the more they found themselves timidly sipping at the punch.

"I wanna go dance" said Roxas, who had apparently perked up from all the alcohol in his system.

"Okay," said Axel, feeling like he could run a mile himself. Roxas grabbed him by the hand and led him toward the center of the dance floor. They started dancing wildly to the music, Axel could feel the bass pulsing through his body. Suddenly an irrepressible urge to laugh overcame him. He did, and Roxas quickly joined him. Soon they were both laughing so hard they were grabbing each other for support. Axel's heart was racing.

"Something's wrong!" he yelled to Roxas, though he was still grinning. He was having a good time, but not _this _good a time. He shouldn't be reacting like this. He tried harder to compose himself, but only ended up laughing more.

"I know!" Roxas shouted back, "What's happening!"

"You didn't drink the punch, did you?" asked Zexion, who had appeared behind them with a rather drunk Demyx leaning on his shoulder to stop himself falling down.

"Jesus Christ, scare me half to death why don'cha?" Axel shouted, then he noticed how _freakin trippy _Zexion looked, "You look really fucking neat with those flashing lights all over ya. You're all like, vampire-ish and stuff—"

He knew he wasn't making sense, so he didn't mind when Roxas cut him off, "Yeah, we did," he tried to yell to Zexion over Axel and the music.

"Oh, you're doomed," said Demyx, giggling a bit.

"What do you mean 'we're doomed?'" Axel yelled to Demyx, grabbing him by his shoulders and shaking him. He knew he should probably be worried and frantic, but he couldn't find it in him. He just felt light and bouncy and free.

"The punch had Methylene Dioxin Methamphetamines in it," Zexion said seriously, checking Axel's pulse.

"English, Zexy," Roxas laughed.

"The punch was spiked with ecstasy," he said, "you both need to sit, you have to keep your heart rates down." He led them to the living room, where several people were sitting in a circle, smoking a blunt. Every person in the circle smiled and greeted the group like they'd all known them for years when they entered, and offered the blunt to Zexion; apparently there was plenty to go around.

"I don't normally suggest this," he said, taking it and handing it delicately to Axel, "but puff on this a little. It should calm you down. I'm going to get you both some water." He sat the two of them gently on a few unoccupied cushions and left the room.

"Fuck," said Axel, inhaling deeply before handing the blunt to Roxas. He should have known better than to drink the stupid punch. Though he was happier to be in a quieter room, and he was happy and grateful to Zexion for getting them water. Actually, he was pretty much happy about everything.

"Yeah," said Roxas, who also took a hit and quickly handed it off the person next to him. Axel held one finger up, he was still holding his smoke. After a minute he exhaled, then opened his mouth to speak again but then Zexion came back into the room, and Roxas cut him off.

"So what do we do now?" he asked the indigo-haired boy, taking his water.

Axel drank deeply, realizing that he was _very _thirtsy. "Yeah," he gasped, smacking his lips, "Is there anything you can do to stop it?" he knew it was a stupid question, but figured it couldn't hurt to try.

Zexion shook his head sadly, "No, you just have to wait for it to wear off. Please try to stay out of trouble, and come get me straightaway if you need anything. I have to go find Demyx and make sure _he _stays away from the stuff."

Axel looked at him, wide-eyed. _Wow, _he thought, _that was so…_ kind _of him."_

Before he gave much thought to what he was doing, got up and pulled Zexion into a hug. "Wow, Zex. You're such a great guy, taking care of your friends like that," he buried his face in his smart friend's hair, his very _soft _hair. "I love you, man, you're just the greatest."

Zexion, who knew the effects the drug, gently pushed Axel back onto his beanbag chair.

"Thank you, Axel," he said kindly, "You are a wonderful friend too," and with that he ran off to find Demyx before either of them could get up and hug him again.

Roxas' POV

It was such a strange feeling, being as happy as he was. Everything was _wonderful._ The air smelled wonderful, (_probably from the weed, _he assumed) his water tasted wonderful, and it felt wonderful going down his throat. His leather pants were wonderful to rub his hand against. And of course, the boy sitting next to him was the most wonderful of all. _Why hadn't I ever noticed before?_ He demanded of himself, _Life is fantastic!_

"I feel so different," he cut off Axel _again,_ who was babbling a mile a minute about god knows what, Roxas thought he caught the word "elves" somewhere in there, "Normally I'm all doom gloom and depressed and shit," oops, had he just said that? He continued quickly, hoping Axel didn't catch that, "and now everything's all fantastic and great and I realized I have _nothing _to be upset about and everything is just perfect! I have this perfect life with perfect friends—"

"Wait, hang on," Axel said, "so you _are_ depressed?"

"No!" said Roxas. Damn. He was caught. "Well, uhh, I mean, I was…"

Axel took his friend in an awkward sideways embrace and started rubbing his arms, half in attempt to show affection and half because it felt _so_ nice.

"How come you never told me?" he demanded. "When I ask you if you're okay, I really wanna know! I don't want you to just say 'fine,' because you think that's what I want to hear, because it's not. I want to know what you're _really _thinking, what you're _really _feeling."

Tears welled up in Roxas' eyes. He was so touched by his friend's concern for him. "I'm so sorry Axel," he said, stroking his friend's hair, "I just didn't want you to worry about me. I didn't think I deserved anyone's concern. I didn't want you to be troubled because of me, I'm such a chronic pain in the ass to begin with."

Axel looked him directly in the eyes. "Roxas. How could you even say that? Don't you realize how important you are to me? If you're unhappy with yourself, I need you to tell me, so I can tell you that you're the best person I know. That you're caring, selfless, and you make me laugh, and there's nobody I'd rather spend every single day with than you."

Tears were spilling over the rims of his eyes now, he couldn't contain them any longer. Roxas had _never _heard Axel say anything like that before, and he wasn't sure if he'd be saying those things now if he weren't rolling his balls off.

"Do you really mean that? Oh God I love you."

"I love you too, man. You are my _best _friend, and I freakin' love you to death! Don't get all depressed on my again, 'cause I can't stand to see you upset."

At that point it hit Roxas that they were acting _extremely homo. _Roxas was still running his hands through Axel's hair, effectively ruining the spikey do that probably took him hours to create every day, and Axel still had one arm draped over Roxas shoulder, and was running his thumb in a circular motion. Upon realizing this, Roxas immediately, albeit reluctantly, let his hands drop to his side. _Seriously, get ahold of yourself!_

It was then that their four friends came into the room. Sora ran over to him, closely followed by Riku. "Rox! Are you okay! Zexion told me you drank the punch!" he grabbed Roxas' face, "What were you thinking! You _never _drink the punch!"

Roxas pushed Sora off of him, "Sorry, Sor," he said, not feeling sorry at all, "I was already drunk. Besides, Axel and l are fine!" he grinned widely.

"Well we're all leaving now," said Riku, who offered Axel a hand. He took it and stood up, but ended up stumbling and clapping a hand to his forehead.

"Whoa, head rush," he said, and then he started running his hand through his hair.

Roxas could feel himself coming down a bit. He was still wide awake, but he was past the say-anything-and-everything-that-comes-to-mind-and-rub-everything-in-sight stage, though the smile never left his face, and he was receiving stares from all of his friends. He was somewhat consciously aware that this wasn't an expression one often saw on his face, but he didn't give it too much thought. He was too caught up in the moment, and he had other things running through his mind. On the way home in the van, he still absently ran his fingers over his pants and thought… a _lot._ His thoughts were reeling through his head so fast he couldn't keep up with them.

really_lovemeandlikedoeshewantmelike_

_…_

Suddenly a potentially scary, ironic, and suggestive thought crossed his mind. He and Axel were in the very backseat of the van, like they had been on the way to the party and as soon as Roxas confirmed to himself that yes, he did want Axel, almost on queue the sexy redhead started rubbing his thighs.

_Well, I can't blame him, _he thought to himself, _my pants are oh so nice._

Axel rubbed his legs methodically, up and down, but also moving side to side in a circular motion. If Roxas weren't so aroused, in this state of mind he probably would've found the action mesmerizing. It didn't go unnoticed that the hand was coming closer to his—

"Ngahh," Roxas breathed. Axel'd reached _it_ all right, and he was going to town, pushing and kneading the front of his pants. Then he—_Oh heavens—_stated giving all kinds of attention to his neck, nipping and sucking any exposed flesh he could find.

Roxas moaned out loud when the redhead nibbled on his earlobe. He brought his hand up to his mouth quickly to try to stifle the moan, but the damage was done. Everyone turned their heads to look back at them. Roxas could feel himself going red as Axel's hair.

Demyx giggled and winked at him, Zexion just rolled his eyes and looked back out the window. Sora stared for a moment; his mouth formed the comical shape of an O. Riku, who was driving, asked Sora what was going on.

"Roxas is gettin' some," Sora said cheerfully, apparently getting over the initial shock.

"What a surprise," said Riku disinterestedly.

Roxas, if possible, blushed even harder. Axel, however, seemed quite oblivious to all of them and just kept up what he was doing. Roxas decided that it just wasn't worth the awkwardness and gave in to the new sensations he was feeling. He tipped his head back, his mouth slightly open, his breaths were starting to get gaspy and erotic.

He couldn't resist any longer. He climbed on top of Axel, straddling his waist, and pushed him roughly against the seat. Then he craned is head down and kissed him deeply, pushing his tongue shamelessly between the redhead's lips, which had parted immediately to let him in.

Axel pulled him closer and determinedly explored every corner of his mouth with his tongue. He tasted like cinnamon, from his chewing gum perhaps? Roxas involuntarily ground his hips down into Axel's, eliciting several grunts from him. The vibrations from the vehicle intensified every move, and when they went over bumps… _well!_

Roxas didn't put any thought to why he had his tongue down his best friend's throat. At the moment he wasn't concerned about what that would mean for them. The awkward thought that he'd spent his first kiss on someone who wasn't his girlfriend, or even a girl at all, never crossed his mind. He just enjoyed the _incredible _things Axel could do with his tongue. He moaned again as they went over the telltale bump of their own driveway; Sora snickered. Demyx nudged Zexion and whispered, "Finally. They were so deep in the closet they could probably see Narnia."

"Hey, bunny rabbits in the back seat," said Riku, sounding very tired and irritated, "You think you can stop sucking face for thirty seconds while we go inside? I'd rather not get stains on my seat thanks."

They both laughed hysterically and leapt out of the van, holding hands and skipping like schoolgirls all the way up the steps and into the living room, which was surprisingly silent, considering it couldn't possibly have been that late. Roxas checked his watch. _Holy flaming shits, how the fuck is it three in the morning!_

Riku, who seemed eager to go to bed, shoved them both roughly into the closet bedroom (which happened to be Axel's) and slammed the door behind them.

"Try to keep it down," Roxas heard him say. He listened hard for footsteps, which were muffled by the carpet. When he was sure they had faded completely, he turned to Axel and shrugged his shoulders, grinning sheepishly to give the idea that he was a bit embarrassed by what had just taken place, even though really he wasn't at all. In fact just the contrary, he wanted to continue, but now that he'd gained a bit of his brains back, he figured he should probably just calm the fuck down and go to bed.

Axel had other ideas. He strode over to Roxas and gripped both of his shoulders tightly, his fingernails digging into the smaller male's smooth creamy skin. He hissed a little at the pain, but was cut off when Axel slammed him into the wall and connected their mouths again, their tongues fought for dominance for a moment before Roxas submitted to him, sagging down the wall. Axel kept him steady by fitting one knee between his legs and sliding his hands gracefully down Roxas' arms to get a grip on the area just above his elbow. At least, one of them did. The other went to work tugging the hem of Roxas' tank top, attempting to get it up as high as possible before breaking the kiss and pulling it all the way off. He wasn't doing a very good job of this, so Roxas moved his hands (which had mysteriously found their way down to Axel's ass) up to where Axel's were to take the shirt off himself and toss it to the side. Once it was gone, Axel ran his hands all over Roxas' chest, then slowly moved his hands down his waist, over his ass, down to the underside of his thighs, and hitched him up, bringing his own knee up in the process, sending jolts of pleasure rippling through Roxas, who arched his back and wrapped his legs around Axel's waist. He moaned loudly when the taller male nipped at the most sensitive part of his neck, which was really more like underneath his jaw. He was throbbing against Axel's knee now and he knew it. He felt himself being carried to the bed. When he opened his eyes he saw the tall, _stunning _redhead leaning over him. He leaned in to whisper, Roxas felt the hot breath wash over him. Axel somehow managed to slip a hand into his already unnaturally tight pants and close a hand around his erection.

"Do you want me, Roxy?" he asked in a husky voice.

Roxas nodded furiously, because he didn't think he'd be able to formulate words. He'd never wanted anything so badly in his life. Axel pumped him a few times then stopped.

"Are you sure?" he asked playfully, leaving a trail of kisses down his chest.

"Yes, you damn tease!" he growled, he grabbed Axel's hand and forced it to continue.

"Hmmm I don't know, say it like you mean it," he teased, thrusting his hips. That almost drove Roxas over the edge.

"Ah-ahh! Yes! Yes Axel!" He thought he was going to explode. He tried to use his free hand to peel the tightfitting leather off of him, which meant he had to somehow pull it over Axel's hand and his extremely hard cock. He ended up wiggling his hips until his pants were shimmied down to his knees, which incidentally, was very convenient since it also meant more pleasure for him.

"Eager, are we?" said Axel, looking appreciatively at Roxas' unclothed skin. The redhead reached his hand into his own back pocket and pulled out a small bottle and a square package. Roxas widened his eyes. This was really going to happen.

Axel seemed to be having a little trouble opening the condom. After trying to rip it with his teeth, he tried using both hands instead, succeeding only in covering the package with saliva and Roxas' precum.

"Is that really necessary, Axel?" Roxas asked impatiently. He wanted to do this, quickly, before he lost this incredible high he was feeling and/or before he chickened out, "I mean, it's not like I can get pregnant."

"Better safe than sorry," said Axel, finally getting the package open. He slid his own pants of smoothly, taking his boxers with him, and sheathed his dick. He popped off the cap to the bottle of what Roxas assumed was lubricant. "You sure you want to do this?"

"Dammit Axel, don't go this far and ask me whether I want to do this or not!" Roxas hissed. He snatched the bottle out of Axel's hand and squeezed a generous amount into his own hands, rubbed them together and smeared it all over Axel himself.

"H-Holy _fuck _Roxas," Axel groaned, panting. Roxas felt long fingers probing around his backside, searching for his entrance. They finally found it and Axel pushed in one finger. The sensation of being filled was weird, to say the least. It was also _painful_ Roxas squeezed his eyes shut. _Don't think about the pain. _If this was one finger, what would a dick feel like? He was eager to find out.

"Hurry up," he purred, trying to sound as seductive as possible. Axel added two more fingers, stretching Roxas to his limit. Suddenly one of the moving fingers roughly pushed against one spot that made his entire body spasm, pleasure jolting through him like electricity. He screamed out loud and did all he could to resist thrusting into Axel's hand; he was already doing his best not to come like the virgin he was.

"I'm ready," he moaned, "Axel, do it now."

Axel pulled his fingers out and positioned himself over Roxas, taking a minute to look down at him, his emerald green eyes clouded over with lust. He then slowly filled Roxas with himself. To avoid concentrating on the pain, Roxas focused instead of Axel's facial expressions, which were unbelievably sexy. After about thirty seconds, the pain started to go away, and Roxas drove his hips upward, to give Axel the okay to move. He did, slowly at first, then began to rock his hips faster and faster. The smoldering pain was soon replaced with a fiery burning passion, the pleasure building up rapidly.

The delicious sounds Axel was making only added to that, and when he hit his sweet spot for the second time that night, his entire vision was blurred. He screamed and raked his nails over Axel's shoulders. He paused.

"What is it? Did I hurt you?" Axel asked concernedly.

Roxas shook his head furiously, still thrusting his own hips, "Nghh… there! Hit that spot again!" he gasped.

Axel complied, thrusting fast and hard where Roxas said, over and over again. The intensity of what Axel was doing to him was too much, he had to release, soon. He didn't want to, yet he knew what was coming. He couldn't get enough. White star appeared in his vision, and instead of watching Axel like he had been doing, he shut his eyes, his mouth wide open. He was panting like a dog, mewling and arching his back as high as it could go, twisting and writhing from the complete bliss he became lost in.

"Harder… Axel, harder," he moaned.

Axel took hold of Roxas' erection and pumped hard, kissed him deeply, and gave one final thrust, before Roxas couldn't hold it in any longer. He cried his best friend's name and they came together, Axel continued to milk Roxas for all he was worth as they rode out the orgasm. Final Axel slid himself out and rolled over next to the blonde.

"Hey, Roxas," he said, still panting heavily, "how would you feel about foreplay?"

Foreplay sounded like a fantastic idea.

Riku's POV

"Try to keep it down," he hissed, slamming the door behind Roxas and Axel. He dragged his feet over to the couch and sat down next to Sora, who crawled onto his lap. He heard a loud thud and a moan.

"I don't think they're gonna keep it down, Riks," Sora laughed lightly.

Riku looked around the room. There were empty liquor bottles everywhere, along with several articles of obscene lingerie. He had an idea that Axel and Roxas weren't the only ones to have drunken sex tonight.

His boyfriend turned so he had his legs wrapped around him and kissed him sweetly, "You know," he whispered, "I think they might have the right idea in there."

He waggled his eyebrows suggestively, Riku chuckled. It was so adorable, so _Sora._ He was tired, but having Sora on top of him and the loud, "Ah! Yes! Yes, Axel!" he could hear clearly through the paper thin walls admittedly left him slightly aroused. He gave Sora a look that said , "But I'm _tired,_" but Sora wasn't having it.

"Dammit…" Riku muttered as Sora kissed his neck and gently pulled his hair; Sora knew he had a fetish for that kind of thing. He lay down on the couch and pulled Sora of top of him. Before he knew it they were kissing passionately and grinding against one another. His shirt was half off when Demyx suddenly came into the room. His head snapped up. Guilty.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Demyx said, quickly going to the refrigerator, "Just needed water! Don't want a hangover…"

Riku glared at him, then sighed. Five minutes ago he'd just wanted to go to bed. Now… he really wanted Demyx to leave so he could fuck his boyfriend. _Curse my insatiable libido… _

He heard Demyx mutter something unintelligible as he trudged heavily up the stairs, water in hand. They waited for the sound of a door shutting before returning to their steamy make out session.

Sora fumbled with the button on his jeans. As eager as Riku was, he pushed the brunette back.

"Sora, are you sure?" he asked gently.

He bit his lip, making him look oh so sexy, then nodded. "I-I think I've known you long enough," he said with a nervous giggle, by now he had his pants down to his knees.

"And," he said, placing a small chaste kiss on Riku's lips, "I love you. Please… take me."

That was a good enough confirmation for Riku. He pulled the other boy so close they become one tangle of limbs.

"I love you too. I love you so damn much Sora," was the last thing he said before he followed Axel's lead, taking the smaller boy as his own.

******~PHEW! That took DAYS to re write. I betcha all think its gonna be nothin but fluff from here on out. Well guess what? IM THE AUTHOR SO IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK! smeheehehehehehe 3**

** **Jk i really really love hearing what you have to say. That's what that little bluish button | right there is for ^^ love you guys~~~~ ** **

** V**


	5. Does This Mean You're Gay?

**Insert Witty Disclaimer here**

**Sorry about the horrible shortness of this chapter. And the ridiculous amount of POV change -_-' Next chapter will be longer, darlings, I promise!**

Normal POV

Judging by the angle and color of the sunlight streaming into the room, Roxas assumed it was mid-afternoon by the time he woke up. He was about to stretch when he realized there were arms wrapped around him. Since he was lying on his side, he had to crane his head around to see who was lying behind him, realizing also that whoever it was was pressing up against his back. It was Axel, snuggled against him with his face buried in his blonde hair, snoring softly.

It all came back to him in head pounding waved. Shopping, costumes, ambulance, party, ecstasy, car ride home, and… _OHMYGODIHADSEXWITHAXEL._

He put his head in his hands and groaned. He certainly didn't know what to make of this. What would Axel think when he woke up? Would he be angry? How could he be, since _he_ seduced Roxas, not the other way around. Would he like, _gulp, _try to like, start a relationship? _That_ in itself would be awkward…

He stopped his train of thoughts in their tracks; he _really _had to pee.

His and Axel's rooms had a bathroom connecting them, so he wriggled out of Axel's grip and headed over to take a quick pee. By the time he came back Axel was beginning to stir. Roxas decided that the best thing to do would be to just put some boxers on and sit on the bed.

Axel opened his eyes to see his blonde friend sitting at the foot of his bed, looking uncertainly at him. Before jumping to conclusions and asking unnecessarily awkward questions, he checked himself out, only to realize that he was covered in cat scratches and had _absolutely nothing on._ He shifted the comforter up to cover his junk and looked back up to Roxas, who had by this time started nervously kicking his foot.

"Did we—?" Axel started.

"Yeah," said Roxas awkwardly, looking at the floor. _Here it comes, whatever _it_ is._

_Hmmm… _Axel thought. The memories of the night before were starting to become more vivid and concrete in his mind. Not that it bothered _him _any, but he could see that Roxas didn't want to confront this, so he quickly decided to play it cool.

To Roxas' surprise, Axel threw his head back and laughed loudly, leaning back down onto his pillow and clapping one hand to his forehead.

"Ugh, of _course _we did," he groaned, in a 'why am I not surprised tone of voice', still snickering.

"What do you mean by that?" Roxas asked him warily. _Oh God here it comes here it comes… For goodness sake Roxas, CALM YOUR ASS DOWN! It was just Axel… not like you haven't been in more awkward situations with him. Like that time… uh… well… Okay maybe not. But still! What's the worst that could happen? How 'bout waiting for him to answer before completely BREAKING DOWN like a MORON._

Axel did his best to stop laughing and take Roxas seriously. He gave him his best serious look and said, "You didn't know? E makes you horny."

Roxas felt relief wash through him. _Okay, so all of it was just the drugs… I can deal with that. _He decided to play it cool.

"Awe man, now here I was thinking _I_ drove you crazy," he said with heavy sarcasm, which Axel caught on to.

"Sorry kiddo," he said, smirking, "Although…" he added, "You were… um, _good_ at what you did… that _may_ have been the best sex of my life." It was his turn to look away now. The more he thought about it, the more he was sure in his mind that he found the blonde undeniably sexy, and he was starting to feel very thankful that he moved the blanket when he did; it was too late to try to pass this off as morning wood.

Roxas found this bit of information extremely surprising. Axel rivaled Riku with the amount of girls (and boys) he'd hooked up with.

"I consider it a great honor, O holy sex fiend," he said cheerfully, giving Axel a false salute. He shifted uncomfortably, suddenly feeling the need to also inform Axel that he—_enjoyed _his sex. "You were good too…" he mumbled, "the best in _my _life."

Axel chuckled, "It was the _only _time in your life, Rox." As soon as the thought crossed his mind he began to feel really guilty. He'd just taken the poor kid's _virginity_. Well, it's not like he didn't ask for it. _Begged _for it was more like what he did. Still, losing your virginity was a big step. Especially for poor virginal little Roxas.

"Sorry about that," Axel added, feel obligated to apologize, looking ashamed of himself.

Roxas considered that for a moment. It took a moment for him to take in the idea that he was no longer a virgin, and another minute to take in that he had given it to _Axel_. After careful consideration he decided it wasn't really a big deal. It was better than some random hook up with some slutty bitch with STD's and he cared enough about Axel to cover the whole "love" part that was supposed to go with sex. He'd had a good time, and he didn't need to worry about getting dumped and getting his heart broken like Kairi had her first time, some asshole named Rai.

"Nah, it's cool, bro," he said finally, breaking the awkward silence that had ensued, "It coulda been worse," he added, "It coulda been Demyx." They both laughed out loud at that. He was glad to see that Axel wasn't weird about this.

"Guess it's time for Q and A with the gang," Axel said.

Kairi's POV

"Ah, you boys are up finally," said Kairi. She had her elbows on her knees and was leaning dangerously far off the edge of the sofa. According to the rest of the boys, they'd had one hell of a night, and Kairi was determined to squeeze every last juicy detail out of her big brother.

Roxas, looking rather sat on the lounge chair, on the opposite side of the room as Kairi. She, Sora and Riku were on the sofa, Naminé was on the recliner, Zexion was at the counter, and Demyx was sitting cross legged on the floor like a little kid.

"Tell me all about your night," she commanded Axel before he could try to escape. He said nothing, but winked at her as he traversed over toward the refridgerator. Meanwhile, everyone else but Zexion sniggered, knowing all too well exactly how Axel's night went. After retrieving a bottle of water from the fridge, he turned towards them and flipped them all off, though he was still grinning; a grin that Kairi immediately recognized as his 'I just got laid' face.

"Let's just say that Nam's the only virgin left in her family," he laughed, confirming her suspiciouns

_Not truue~_ Kairi thought, though her eyes widened as she looked back and forth between Sora and Roxas, "Both of you?"

"I'm surprised you didn't hear _them_," Riku said, jabbing a thumb in Roxas' direction, "and yes, both of them."

Sora blushed and grinned sheepishly, "Maybe a little," he said with a giggle.

Naminé cut in, "Wait, Roxas, you did—?"

"Axel." He wore an expression similar to Sora's.

"Because…?"

"I was rolling my balls off."

"Why…?"

"We accidently drank Marly's punch."

"So your night was…"

"Fan-fucking-tastic." Kairi couldn't tell whether that was dry sarcasm or the truth. "How was your girl's night in?"

She exchanged looks with Naminé and they both started laughing hysterically. See, when most girls had girl's nights in, they got pedicures, did each other's hair, ate ice cream, had DDR dance-offs and watched chick flicks on the couch, right? Wrong! Or at least, that's not how Kairi did them.

"Well it wasn't really a girl's night in," Naminé admitted, "since we invited some boys over."

"Yep," Kairi said, "There was drinking games, truth or dare, _seven minutes in heaven, _alcoholic whipped cream, aaaaaaaaand… let's just say that Naminé is NOT the only virgin left in her family." She winked at them.

The twins' jaws dropped. Naminé! The poster child for abstinence?

"What? _Naminé? You—? Who—?" _Roxas stammered.

"No comment," the petite woman snapped, glaring at Kairi. Her angry expression faded, though, and she giggled a little, hiding her head in her hands.

"Wow… all three of you on the same night. That's pretty weird," Demyx remarked, as if they just discovered the eighth wonder of Twilight Town or something"Am I like the only person here who didn't get any last night!"

Zexion looked up from his book. "I do live here, Demyx," he deadpanned

"Yeah, but you weren't even _looking_ to get any, Zex, you barely had anything to drink. You had like what, _half_ of the mauna loa sunrise I got you? You turned down Marluxia, Zex, _Marluxia! _Who in their right mind would do such a thing?" He exclaimed, shaking his head as if ashamed of the dark haired boy.

Zexion did something very odd then. He blushed.

"That doesn't mean I wasn't looking to get any…" he said _very _quietly.

"Well, gee, Zexy, you coulda just asked!" said Demyx.

Zexion looked dumbfounded for a moment, then just went back to his reading. Kairi sighed. _Dense as a brick wall, _she thought to herself. _At least _those _two came around…_

"So how do you feel about losing your virginity to Axel?" Kairi asked curiously.

Roxas shrugged. "I'd rather it be him than some random hooker with an STD that I don't know." He said easily. Kairi had a feeling he'd rehearsed that answer.

"Yeah," said Axel, who'd been listening quietly "I'd take Roxas over those slutty bitches any day."

"So, Roxas, does this mean that you're gay?" Kairi asked.

Roxas' POV

It was an innocent enough question, but Roxas didn't want to answer, mostly because he didn't know the answer. Sure, he'd found Axel absolutely beautiful the night before, but then again to him, everything was. Was the redhead attractive to him now?

_A little bit… _he admitted to himself_, but that could just be 'cause I know he's so damn good in bed._

"Hard to say," he found himself saying, "I mean, I was rolling pretty hard, wasn't I? Not that you weren't completely _amazing_ at what you did," he added casually to Axel, who grinned, "but I have no experience with girls to compare to. Not to mention I was drunk and a little high too."

The words sounded sure enough, but he really wasn't sure at all. He absolutely _hated _being uncertain, being unable to figure himself out. It stressed him to the point where it felt like he was being torn apart. And that added to the terrible comedown…

"I think I'm gonna get a shower quick," he said to them, "My hair's all greasy from rubbin' it all night, you know?"

They all nodded in acknowledgement, so without trying to seem suspiciously quick, he rose from his spot on the lounge chair, made his way over to his own bedroom, and shut the door behind him, locking it with a little 'click.'

Looking around his room, it seemed almost foreign to him. He hadn't slept in his own bed in over a week. Even though it was in the exact same condition he left it in, it seemed strangely empty to him. It was messy, in contrast to Axel's… wait, Axel's room was clean? _What is this sorcery!_

_What does all this mean?_ He asked himself angrily, no longer referring to the state of Axel's room. _Naminé's pictures, what he said to me at the clock tower, what I was thinking on the island… LAST NIGHT!"_

_Last night didn't necessarily mean anything, _he considered_, I _was_ totally fucked up._

_But you'd do it again, wouldn't you? _A more stubborn part of his mind asked him. He shrugged, and upon doing so, he realized his muscles were aching pretty badly. Experimentally, he tried flexing his ass muscles. Fucking ouch. _I don't know, _he said mentally, _I'm a little sore._

If minds could scoff, his would have. _You're in love with him aren't you? You're head over fucking heels. That's why you're so upset, isn't it? You know last night meant absolutely nothing to him, and it's not likely to happen again. _

_Okay… maybe I am. Yes. I am. And it doesn't matter one bit, _he thought bitterly, fishing out his razor, _because you're a worthless fucking monster. _

He drew the blade across his wrist.

Axel's POV

He was in a very good mood. He was simply radiating that after-sex glow. He didn't even bother trying to hide it. Riku and Sora were whispering sweet things to each other, surely lost in their own little world, Zexion was buried in his books, like always, Demyx was busy with his sitar, and Axel was sure Naminé already knew, she kept flashing him these cute little Naminé smiles. And if she knew, surely his nosy baby sister knew too.

Of course Roxas was nowhere to be found. _Poor kid…_ Axel thought, _I really shouldn't have just taken him like that. _

He thought long and hard about the events of the previous night. Several questions jumped immediately to mind. _Why was he desperate to get wasted in the first place? Is he really… depressed? _Axel had always suspected he was, but decided long ago not to press it per chance Roxas was just a quiet person. _If he is, why didn't he ever tell me? Does he trust me? He _said_ he loved me. _Now that was an interesting topic in itself. _Did he mean that? If so, what the hell did he mean by it?_

_I did say I loved him too, _he recalled. _Did I mean that? _He didn't even have to think twice about it. On the contrary, he briefly considered slapping himself for even asking such a stupid question, and for dodging around the answer for so long. It was so simple! And, being Axel, he didn't bother trying to deny or argue with himself at all.

_Yes, _he thought, accepting the thought as soon as it crossed his mind. _Yes, I love him. I'm _in _love with him. I think… I think I always have been. He means the most to me in this entire freakin' world and it's been that way as long as I can remember._

He decided he wouldn't say so to Roxas. He didn't want to confuse him any more than he already had. He already had enough to deal with. If Roxas wanted to confront him about it, though, he would tell the truth.

He checked his watch. _Shit! It's 4 o'-fucking clock? Already? I'm gonna be late!_

Axel jumped about twenty feet off the couch as though someone had tazed him. He sprinted over to the front door in an attempt to get his shoes on faster, but instead only managed to slip and wipe out over the corner of the counter.

Roxas, who just emerged, fully dressed, asked, "Hey! Where are you going?"

Trying to brush his hair out and tie his boot laces at the same time, Axel said, "The boys down at Dusk are having a show tonight, and being part of the internship and all, I get to help out. They're going off at six, you should be able to see them really well from the clock tower," And with that he ran out the door, hoping that Roxas caught his little hint.

**Please oh please review for me :3**


	6. The Best View In Town

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts**

**This chapter was actually really fun to write, Axel's so silly XD **

**Anyway, hope you enjoy ^^**

Roxas' POV

He could honestly say he forgot completely that Axel even had a job. With him being gone for an entire week then just hanging out with Axel all day yesterday, he forgot all about his new internship with Dusk, the leading producer of fireworks in the worlds.

"Aren't you coming with us?" Sora asked him. They were on their way to the park, where the entire town seemed to be headed to watch the light show.

"No, I'm gonna go watch them somewhere else," he said bluntly. Sora narrowed his eyes suspiciously, "I'm just going to the clock tower," Roxas whispered into his twin's ear, "you know I don't like it when the others come."

Sora understood. He nodded but then said, "Keep your phone on. I'll be checking in."

"Right."

Sora took off after the others, hopping onto an unsuspecting Riku's back. He stumbled a little from the sudden weight, then brought himself back up and laughed with the others. Roxas' heart ached. He wanted what they had. He wanted to be able to casually wrap his arms around Axel's waist. He wanted to be woken up in the morning by a gentle kiss from Axel. He wanted to watch the fireworks with Axel, in their spot, fingers intertwined... he wanted to be able to rest his head on his friend's shoulder.

He had always been a little envious of his free spirited brother, but never so much as he was then. Sora and Riku fit together so _perfectly_, there was nothing to it; nothing but pure, unadulterated love. Why couldn't he have that?

_ You sound like a lovesick teenaged girl, _said a snide little voice in his mind. _And you already know why you can't have it. Because you don't _deserve _love. Your sorry ass is lucky to even have his _friendship. He had reached the top of the tower. _So get over yourself and take it like a fucking man._

He couldn't. He sat down and started crying, real tears, accompanied by real shaking sobs. He had to admit it felt kind of nice, letting everything out like that. He hadn't cried like that in a long time. For a while he just let the tears fall, then he pulled himself together and lit a cigarette. He needed it. The fireworks hadn't even started yet.

"Ummm Roxas?"

His head snapped around, he wasn't expecting company. The voice came from a girl he recognized from back when he was in high school. She had short black hair and midnight blue eyes that reminded him of Kairi. From what he remembered she was pretty shy. He couldn't even remember her name…

"Erm yeah, that's me. Who are you?" he didn't mean to sound rude, but he figured it was better than asking why she was there.

"My name's Xion," she said softly, "I was told to give this to you." She handed him a sea-salt ice cream bar with a small smile.

"Oh… thank you," he said, taking it.

"Could I sit down?" she asked politely.

As much as Roxas didn't like people who weren't Axel sitting in his spot, there was something comforting about her presence. And after all, it had to have been Axel who sent her his way, so he gave her a little nod.

She took a seat next to him and sucked thoughtfully on her own ice cream.

"Why were you crying?" she asked. She didn't ask in a mean, or conversational, or even curious way. She put more emphasis on the word 'why' than the word 'crying.' He didn't know this girl at all, but for some reason he felt like he could open up to her.

"Because I'm pathetic," he said miserably. She looked at him a minute.

"You don't look pathetic," she said thoughtfully, "You look lonely."

"I have lots of friends," he informed her neutrally.

"How many of them know you're up here crying?" she asked shrewdly.

He opened his mouth to respond to her, but then closed it again. She'd made a decent point.

"That's what I thought…" she said quietly.

The fireworks started. Axel was right, the view from up there was _incredible._ They had a perfectly clear view, not a single tree blocked them, and Roxas realized they must be setting them off from the riverbank, across from the park. He had half a mind to go there, but he considered the girl next to him. Axel was probably too busy to talk anyway.

Roxas wondered a lot about Xion. How did Axel know her? Was she lonely too? She must be, otherwise she wouldn't be up there sitting with him would she? He wondered how much Axel had told her about him, and why she was willing to come all the way up here just to deliver an ice cream bar.

"He absolutely adores you, you know," she said, barely audible over the loud pops and booms, "you're all he ever talks about."

Roxas didn't know what to say to that. He didn't even know if he heard her right. He didn't bother asking who 'he' was, "How do you know him?"

She sighed a little, then she turned her doe eyes on him, "Group therapy."

The school was making Axel go to anger management sessions once a week after he punched a hole through a wall in the boarding house, which was owned by the university. He wondered what this mysterious girl was in for, he couldn't _imagine_ her having anger issues. Unless she was bipolar or something.

"Oh," he said, then he carefully asked, "What are you—you know, in for?"

She gave a sad smile, "I threatened to kill myself," she said, "my friend and I, we were cliff jumping, it was one of our favorite things to do, and we always challenged each other to jump off the higher ones. Well there was this one that she was really scared of… but I made her do it. Well she hit her head on this rock we couldn't see and—she didn't make it. A couple weeks later I was on the phone with another friend, and I told her how guilty I felt about it, and that I should've been the dead one, and that I wanted to die. Well she took that very seriously and called the police, and they found the bottle of sleeping pills I kept in my room. They were only there because I honestly can't sleep sometimes. But they put two and two together and thought the worst. So they put me under suicide watch for a while and now I do group therapy a few times a week so they can keep tabs on me."

"It's a little silly," she said, shaking her head, "If someone is truly suicidal and determined to kill themselves, they're going to do it. No amount of therapy could help that."

Roxas was at a loss for words. He just sat quietly for several minutes and thought her story over. He barely even noticed the fireworks anymore.

"Do you think you would have… you know, done it?" he finally said.

"I don't know. I wonder about it a lot. I hated myself enough to, and I did want to die. But ultimately I think I fear death more than I could ever want it."

He looked at her, stunned. He could see the honest wisdom in her eyes, but it was nearly impossible for him to believe that this sweet innocent looking girl had seriously considered suicide. True, he didn't know her very well, but he could already tell that she was a good person, and would never hurt a fly. She was selfless and caring; she didn't deserve to be unhappy.

"Man, and here I was crying because I was lonely," he tried to joke. He felt guilty about it now. This girl had been in so much genuine pain…

"It's nothing you should be ashamed of," she said kindly, "Axel worries about you a lot you know. He's scared he leaves you alone too much, and that he's not being a good enough friend."

Roxas almost laughed, "What? That's ridiculous. He barely ever leaves my side! Axel is a great friend, the best, and I'm lucky to have him." He felt a lump grow in his throat. If only he could _truly _have him…

Xion sighed. "I told him that too."

Roxas was beginning to get curious, "How often does he talk about me?"

She chuckled, "Maybe you should ask instead how much he _doesn't_ talk about you."

"Oh—kay… how often doesn't he talk about me?"

She laughed again, "Oh, every now and then," she said with a smile, "A few times a day maybe."

_What?_ He thought_. She can't be serious._ He decided to change the subject.

"I feel kinda bad," he said, "It seems like you guys are pretty close, and I've never even heard of you."

She waved a hand dismissively, "I don't like to be talked about," she said, "And lately I haven't been big on expanding my social circle,"

"Why are you here then?" he Roxas asked. It wasn't meant to be mean, he was just curious.

"Axel told me that if you came here, you'd probably be alone. So he asked me to come here and keep you company, or at least give you the ice cream so that you knew he was thinking of you. Like I said, he's scared he leaves you alone too much. I agreed to go, mostly because I wanted to meet the famous Roxas for myself.

Roxas couldn't believe it. The way she talked about him… this Axel that wanted to make sure he wasn't alone. He knew Axel cared, but he never thought he cared _that _much. This was a side of him Roxas had never seen before.

Although… he thought maybe he'd caught a glimpse of it the night before. But… he couldn't have meant that, could he? He was all drugged out, he would _never_ say stuff like that.

That's what he'd thought this morning, but now… now he wasn't too sure.

"So did I meet expectations?" he asked Xion

"Well, I wasn't expecting you to be crying," she admitted

_Oh shit, _he thought, _would she tell him? What would he make of _that?

"Oh… right. About that, could you maybe—umm… keep that between us?

She nodded, "Of course. Don't worry about a thing, I promise I won't tell Axel you were crying over him," she winked at him, "that's for _you_ to say."

He gaped at her. How could she tell those things? She must be one of those people that see, like Axel.

"Wha—? No! That's not—it's not like that!" he stammered defensively.

"Okay," she said. She wore an expression that made her look strikingly like Naminé. It said, "I know you're lying, but I'll go along with it until you're ready to accept it." God damn, was he _that _obvious? He'd met the girl less than an hour ago.

"You're quieter than I thought you'd be," she admitted, "but I only half expected you to even let me sit up here, he told me that you didn't like people in you guys' spot"

He shrugged, "I knew Axel sent you," he said, "and you're very easy to talk to. I just usually don't have much to say."

She nodded, "you're easy to talk to too. I usually don't say this much, but you're a very good listener."

"My friends always say I should be a therapist," he laughed bitterly at the irony.

The fireworks ended. Roxas got up first and offered a hand to Xion.

"Thanks," she said, taking it, and pulling herself up. They walked in silence downstairs to the ground level and out the door.

"I live by Tram Common," she said, gesturing toward that general direction, "and I know you live by the sandlot," she pointed in the opposite direction. "So thanks for letting me sit with you, it was nice meeting you. Maybe we'll see each other again soon."

Roxas nodded and said, "Yeah. See ya," before parting ways with the black haired girl, and making for his apartment.

"Roxas! Hey wait up!"

He turned to the sound of his name. His heart did a little somersault as he saw his best friend sprinting toward him. When he got a little closer, Roxas could see that he was dripping wet.

"Hey Roxy!" he shouted cheerfully, "Didja see the fireworks? Didja have a good time? Didja get my present? Didja—"

"Axel," he interrupted, "Why are you all wet?"

"Hmm? Oh! Right, well it's kind of a funny story," he said, "I wanted to see what would happen if I burned an acorn. Turns out they explode, or they kind of pop, like popcorn. Anyway, a piece of it hit Cid and scared the shit out of him, so he tossed me into the river. At first I thought he was gonna burn me, but I guess he decided that wouldn't really have taught me a lesson."

Cid was the one that ran the apprenticeship. Roxas had only met him once. He seemed like a pretty easygoing person, but according to Axel he sometimes had a bit of a temper. Rumor has it that his great great grandfather was the one to invent inter-world travel via gummi blocks; Cid knew quite a bit about them.  
>"Good job, Axel, good job," he said with a laugh.<p>

A grin crept onto Axel's face and his eyes suddenly became very sinister. He bent down to whisper in Roxas' ear.

"You better prey for mercy, goldilocks," Then, without any other warning, pair of cold very cold hands wrapped around Roxas' neck. Not tightly, just enough so that Roxas could feel it. He yelped from the cold and jumped. He started running, Axel following in hot—well, cold pursuit.

"Gotcha!" Axel yelled playfully as he tackled Roxas, nearly knocking them both over. He clung to him tightly, thoroughly soaking him. After the initial shock of the cold, Roxas felt himself getting very warm.

He struggled against Axel grip until he released him. To top it off, Axel shook his head like a wet dog, spraying sticky hair gel-scented water everywhere.

"Gee, thanks buddy," said Roxas, pretending to wring out his hair. Axel laughed.

"Sorry, couldn't resist," he said, still grinning. "Anyway, how was your night? Did little Roxy-kins miss me terribly?"

Roxas smirked at him, "Roxy-kins? You've officially taken immaturity to a whole new level. And no, it was nice to have _peace and quiet _for once," he joked, "I let Xion stay and we kept each other company. Thanks for the ice cream."

"You're welcome!" said Axel brightly, "So what did you think of Xion?"

"I like her," Roxas said, "She's really easy to open up to."

"Yeah, she's a good kid," said Axel. Then Roxas noticed him shift his feet awkwardly, like he was uncomfortable. "So what did you guys talk about?" he asked.

Roxas shrugged, "Her, mostly," he said, "I wanted to know how the two of you know each other, since I've never heard of her before tonight. So she told me… her story."

"Sad isn't it? She has a good heart," he lamented.

"So did you set off any really nice ones?" Roxas asked, figuring it was probably a good time to change the subject.

Axel spent the rest of the evening animatedly discussing girandoles and firing units and chain fusing and tons of other things Roxas didn't understand before finally going to bed.

Roxas had a very strange dream that night.

He dreamt he was in a white room, surrounded by Naminé's drawings. She sat in a chair in the corner, apparently unable to see or hear him. The only other thing in the room was a white table with a bottle of sleeping pills, the color standing out drastically from the rest of the décor. He had no intention of opening it, but it seemed to draw him nearer and nearer. The cap flew off on its own and the bottle swallowed him up.

At first he couldn't see or feel anything; he just floated around empty space. Then he heard his name being called, but it was muffled, like it was being said through a pane of glass. He opened his mouth to call out to the voice, but couldn't. He realized he must be underwater. He tried to swim towards the surface, but his limbs moved extra slowly. He couldn't even see where the surface was anyway. His lungs burned from lack of oxygen; soon he would drown. He started panicking.

His head finally broke through the surface. Gasping for breath, he realized he hadn't been able to swim because he was buried to the neck in beach sand. _I'm on the shore of the island… Sora's island. _He found himself rising until he stood on the beach.

"Why did you do it?"

He spun around to see Axel standing behind him, with a very pained expression on his face.

Before Roxas could even answer, Axel walked toward him in long strides and when he reached him, he leaned down, taking Roxas' face in his hands and lavished the boy's lips with several soft kisses.

Soon Axel stopped breaking the kiss, his lips were soft and warm, it seemed to envelope them. Roxas didn't fight it, he wrapped his arms around the other boy and kissed back. Though their mouths moved in unison, the moment seemed to pure for Roxas to want to use any tongue. He let himself melt into the kiss, letting his eyes shut.

Then he was awoken, too soon for his liking, by what sounded suspiciously like Demyx dropping a frying pan on his foot. Roxas sighed and got out of bed. By the time he was showered and dressed, he's forgotten all about the dream.

**I know I mentioned Xion a little earlier in the story, I'll have to go back and fix that cause I wanted her to have a bigger part. I don't actually much like Xion, I think she's too Mary Sue, but I'm not into the whole bashing thing **

***Runs from Xion fans* What? She is!**

**Fans: Take it back!**

***dodges pitchforks* Okay Okay I'm sorry!**


	7. Friends and Lovers

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts**

"Oh! I get it now!"

It was finally the night of the party, the rest of the week seemed to have dragged on _forever_. Axel just came out of his room, dressed as a mime.

_A mime! That would explain why he 'couldn't' say exactly what he was!_

Demyx couldn't help but laugh. It would be amusing to see Axel try to go the entire night without talking. Oh well, at least the costume suited his tattoos.

"What exactly are you wearing, Demyx?" Riku asked him apprehensively. Demyx was crestfallen.

"You… nobody knows who I'm dressed as?"

They all shook their heads.

"Well I'm David Bowie of course! Goblin King?"

They all stared at him with blank expressions.

"What? You know? Dance Magic Dance!" he chanted, hoping it would ring a bell.

Nothing.

"You guys suck."

When he finally finished complimenting everyone's outfits (Riku had a count Dracula type vampire costume on under a black cloak; Naminé was an angel, Kairi a devil; Roxas looked like a pirate of sorts; Zexion {sexy Zexy, wink wink} in his French Maid costume; and Sora in what looked like a werewolf or something) they split up, half in Axel's car and half in Riku's van and headed for the gymnasium. Larxene managed to rent out the place, and a DJ, along with multiple numbers performed onstage.

_Including one from myself, _Demyx thought to himself; his heart gave a little skip. He didn't usually get stage fright, but tonight would be special…

The gym was well decorated, Halloween themed.

"Who the hell ever heard of a Halloween party in the middle of August," Roxas grumbled, clearly irritated.

"I think it's neat!" Demyx replied. He _loved _Halloween. Any time of year he could see Zexion looking this smexy is a good time of year.

They all rolled their eyes at him. He didn't care, he was used to it. He was very hyper—more so than usual—as he often was when he got nervous.

"Hey guys!" they heard an impressive squeal from the crowd. A very thin girl with platinum blonde hair and a permanent scowl came sprinting towards them, her strange antennae like bangs bouncing. She was smiling, and that was a scary sight, because she _still _looked like she was scowling.

"Roxas! How _are_ you!" Demyx supposed she was trying to be flirty, but to be honest, it was pretty frightening.

"Uhh, fine," Roxas said awkwardly, looking down and stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Awe, just okay?" she cooed, tracing a very long fingernail down his jawbone. He flinched away from it.

Out of the corner of his eye, Demyx could see Axel scowl and ball his hands into fists.

"Don't worry," Demyx told him, nudging him with his elbow, "she's totally not his type, bro." He laughed as Axel looked around to make sure nobody heard.

"I'm on in a half an hour," he said cheerfully to everyone. He glanced what he hoped looked like a meaningful expression at Zexion, then he skipped over towards the stage, where Professors Vexen and Xigbar were doing some kind of skit.

Zexion's POV

He let his eyes follow Demyx as he skipped, happy as can be, over to the stage and out of sight. He fidgeted uncomfortably in his costume; he _really _did not like it. The fishnets rode up, the dress was far too revealing, and for the love of God he was wearing _heels_. Once again, he questioned his sanity for allowing Demyx to convince him to wear it.

_Oh well,_ he thought, _At least Dem likes it._

Zexion wondered what it was about Demyx that he found attractive. He wasn't smart at all, in fact his stupidity made him a little annoying._ In a very cute way, _he found himself thinking. He didn't like this. He hated dealing with intangible things like this. It was completely illogical for him to think Demyx was… so damn hot!

He racked his brain. There was a time when he once thought "love" was nothing more than a biochemical reaction to make sure that genes were passed. Then humans simply convinced themselves that they were emotionally attached to the object of their fixations to provide a justification or an explanation. Or had simply confused physical instinct with emotional ones, like the maternal instinct a mother felt towards her child.

_But that can't be the case here, _Zexion thought_, because Demyx is male._

Although he didn't actually have a problem with it, he was always a little skeptical about homosexual relationships. Sure, there was the rare exception that a human was born with a malfunctioning pituitary, the lobe in the brain that controlled sexual desire, or an inbalance of hormones that many teenagers experience, leading them to be curious. But Zexion assumed that in most cases it was more of a mind over matter thing.

_But that can't be the case either,_ he considered._ Because I have no reason to _want _to like Demyx… I just do._

Was it really that simple? He thought about it. Did he care about Demyx's well-being? _Yes… _Did he care about his happiness? _Yes…_ Did he want them together?

He imagined what it would feel like to hold his hand, to hold him close. Did his heart really just flutter? He thought that only happened in those dumb romance novels he read sometimes.

_I guess it's just not a conscious, logical decision…_ He tried to wrap his mind around it.

_You have no control._ He tried to tell himself. It kind of angered him. But to his surprise, he found that all things considered, he really didn't mind much.

His only problem was that he had absolutely no idea how to go about this. He smirked at the thought of the goofy face Demyx was sure to make should he tell him how he felt.

Perhaps… did Demyx like him too? It was hard to say. Sometimes he caught him staring, and he was sure he caught a wink here and there. But he couldn't be sure, Demyx did that to _everyone._

Zexion pinched the bridge of his nose. This was far too hard to figure out. He'd prefer logarithms over this. _ I might as well just tell him, point blank, _he concluded. _There's nothing to wait for after all. _

He couldn't believe he was nervous.

"Hey everyone!" Demyx cheerfully called to the crowd. A few people said hi back. Zexion was right at this front.

"This is for my bestest buddy! You know who you are." He caught Zexion's eye for a split second.

His fingers began to gently strum the guitar. Zexion wasn't sure if he recognized the song, but that wasn't surprising. He didn't listen to much music and he was tone deaf anyway.

The only time Zexion had ever heard Demyx sing, he was doing it loudly and obnoxiously, simply for the pleasure of doing so. But this was different. When he sang the first note, it was sweet and soft, it rang out with the chords he was playing. He had a lovely voice.

_What would you say if I told you _

_ I always wanted to hold you?_

"I'd tell you that you're welcome to," Zexion muttered under his breath.

_I don't know what we're afraid of_

_ Nothing would change if we made love._

Zexion stood breathless as Demyx transitioned into the chorus.

_'Cause I'll be your friend_

_ And I'll be your lover_

_ Well, I know in our hearts we agree_

_ We don't have to be one or the other_

_ Yes, it's a chance we're taking_

_ And somebody's heart may be breaking_

_ But we can't stop what's inside us_

_ Our love for each other will guide us._

Oh God… Zexion thought. _Please let him be singing about me. _Who was this mystery best friend? He didn't consider him closer to Demyx than anybody else. His heart was beating at an alarming rate. How he wanted to believe that Demyx was serenading him… he listened as Demyx flawlessly manipulated the guitar, beginning to form the bridge.

_I've been though you_

_ And you've been through me_

_ Sometimes a friend is the hardest to see_

_ We always know when it's laid on the line _

_ Nobody else is as easy to find_

Zexion could honestly say he didn't know what that line meant. Something about friendship… an obscure friendship. That Demyx apparently wanted more from. He closed his eyes and listened some more.

_'Cause I'll be your friend_

_ And I'll be your lover_

_ Well, I know in our hearts we agree_

_ We don't have to be one or the other_

Demyx repeated the last "other" one more time before strumming the final chords. The entire crown burst into applause, Demyx really did have a beautiful voice, and he knew it. He stood up from the stool he was sitting in and gave a little bow. Then he hurried to set his borrowed guitar back onto its stand and hopped right off the stage onto the gym floor.

Zexion approached him cautiously. What was he supposed to say?

"Did you like it?" Demyx asked. His expression was unreadable, aside from the permanent grin that was attached to his face. This smile happened to be a shy one, Zexion noted.

"Depends…" he bit his lip.

"On?" Demyx pressed. Zexion assumed he could probably _see _his heart beating through his chest.

"Werutoknbowme?" he mumbled. He was disgusted with himself. All those years of English courses for _that?_

"I'm sorry, Zex, what?" Demyx asked. He leaned in very close, probably in case Zexion decided to mutter something unintelligible again.

_Come on, just man up and say it._

"It… it depends on whether—"deep breath, "whether you were referring… to me." He looked at his feet.

"Zex, I—" he started. Zexion hoped he wasn't about to say something confusing, or take forever dancing around the simple answer, "Yeah, it was about you."

He let out a long breath of relief. Thank freaking God. Trust Demyx to turn him into a nervous wreck. He hoped Demyx wasn't fucking with him.

"You… like me, Dem?" he said. He _had _to be absolutely sure.

Demyx laughed a little bit, "_Yes, _Zexion. I've been trying to tell you for _ages._ Actually…" he blushed, "I think I kinda love you."

A feel of ecstasy and adrenaline shot through Zexion's body. He looked up to meet Demyx's eyes. What the fuck to say now? "The feeling is mutual," he said lamely.

Demyx made a noise that sounded a bit like a squeal and jumped up and down once in excitement. Then he became serious again. He caressed Zexion's chinline, then tipped his chin up, forcing him to meet the taller boy's eyes. He gently brushed away his bangs so the Zexion could see out of both eyes; he felt very exposed like this.

Much to his own surprise, he closed the space between them and pressed their lips together, very softly.

He wasn't sure why he kissed Demyx. He just_wanted _to. He had to stand on his tiptoes to reach the other boy's lips, but he decided it was worth it as soon as they made contact. His lips felt so nice. Demyx lowered his head to deepen the kiss, just a little bit, running one hand through Zexion's hair and putting the other on the small of his back. Zexion wrapped his arms around the other boy and clung to him tightly. He wondered idly whethe he was doing this right. If he wasn't Demyx didn't seem to be complaining about it.

When they broke apart, Demyx grinned that idiotic grin he loved so much and looked down at him. Suddenly conscious of what he was wearing, Zexion blushed and fidgeted in his costume. Demyx just laughed out loud and pulled him into a hug.

"Sexy Zexy," he whispered.

Axel's POV

"Me and Kairi are gonna go dance!" Naminé shouted to Roxas. Roxas nodded.

"We'll go find you when we're ready to leave," he replied.

She and Kairi skipped off towards the dance floor, hand in hand, demon and angel, and soon disappeared into the crowd.

Axel looked around. He was alone with Roxas now. He spotted Riku dancing expertly with Sora, his long sliver hair following him smoothly and he twirled around wildly.

The others were a little harder to find. Finally he found Demyx, who was—_HA! _Slow dancing with Zexion, who had his head on his shoulder.

He snickered and nudged Roxas, who followed his gaze over to the couple. He chuckled a little too.

"Bout time," he said to Roxas, "I thought they would _never _ get through to each other."

"Each other?" Roxas asked, " you mean—"

"Oh yeah," he interrupted, "for at least a few weeks now."

Axel thought it'd been obvious, but his friends did often tell him that he had a knack for seeing things they didn't. Like he just saw right through most people. He hadn't realized that about himself until very recently.

_Although…_he thought to himself, _I can't read everybody. _He looked at Roxas.

"Did you see Sora and Riku coming?" Roxas asked suddenly.

"Hmm? A little. I could see it all over Riku. It was practically oozing off him. I figured he was pretty level headed, and he'd choose to come out with it if the time was right." Then he added, "Why?"

Roxas shuffled around a little. He seemed uncomfortable. "Dunno," he said, "Just wondering I guess."

Axel wondered what was eating him. _I'll get it out of him._

"Hey… you wanna get out of here?"

**The song is called "Friends and Lovers" by Carl Anderson if anybody wants to know**

**Ugh, this chapter is so short! . Zemyx is one of my favorite things to write though, they're so sweet and innocent! *fangirls* okay, shutting up now!**


	8. 321Pocky!

**Hey hey hey! **

**I don't own Kh, blah blah blah or Call of Duty, or Saw, or Smirnoff's of Pocky or anything else mentioned in this chapter**

Roxas' POV

"But we just got here!" Kairi complained.

After wandering through the crowd for a few minutes, Axel and Roxas finally found the girls trying to dougie.

"You don't have to come," he told them, "Call me when you're ready to leave, okay? We'll come get you."

"Awe come on! Stay!" Kairi pleaded.

Axel mocked her, making excellent use of his mime costume.

Roxas groaned, "I feel like I'm at a high school dance," he complained, "and this costume is stupid."

"It's okay, Roxas," Naminé said kindly, "You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I'll see you later."

Roxas nodded gratefully, "See you later."

They decided that today they'd just go home and play video games. They hadn't had a night in, just the two of them, for a while.

After a few hours, however, at around ten, they invited Xion over on a whim. She happily agreed to come, bringing an ice cream bar for each of them.

The three of them first played a few rounds of Call of Duty (despite being a girl, Xion was quite good at it) before starting a Saw marathon. The three of them talked and laughed for hours. It surprised Roxas how easily she jumped right into their group. He didn't mind at all, she was kind and thoughtful, and like Axel, she saw people for what they were.

This made Roxas very nervous.

For two reasons. The first: _What if she takes Axel away? What if they started dating? _They had plenty in common. Could he handle it? _It's not like he was ever mine to begin with._

Another thing was their uncanny ability to see right through somebody. _What did they see in me? Can Axel tell I'm into him? I wonder if they suspect I cut… Would they have asked? I don't want anyone to worry…_

He didn't think about it too much, most of the time he was too deeply immersed in their conversations. They talked most of the night about everything and nothing.

At about 1:30 Demyx and Zexion came home, giggling and holding hands.

"Well, well, well, what have we here?" said Axel with a smirk.

"Oh, shut your trap," said Demyx happily, "Look what I brought," he held up a box of pocky.

Xion's head poked up from behind the couch, "Is that pocky!" she asked excitedly.

Demyx took out a stick and stuck it in his mouth, "Why yes it is," he said smugly.

Xion hopped off the couch and ran over to him, "Perfect!" she said, snatching the box out of his hands, "Whoa whoa whoa guys calm down, I'm not stealing it," she said when they all broke out in protest, "We're going to play a game."

Demyx lit up immediately, "A game?" he asked interestedly, "Ooh, how d'you play?"

Xion's face fell a little bit. She looked round at all of them, "You guys have seriously never heard of the pocky game?"

They all shook their heads except Axel, who smirked.

"Yeah, I've heard of it," he said, "should we really subject the happy couple to such humiliation? I don't know if these _kids_ are up for it."

Zexion scoffed. Demyx jumped "Hey! We're the _same age _and I'm up for anything!" he protested.

"Well…" Roxas said, wanting to know what he was signing up for before agreeing to do it, "How do you play?"

Xion turned to Axel, "Will you demonstrate with me?" Axel grimaced.

"Well, if I _have _to," he grinned when she smacked him.

"Geez geez, kidding!" he said, putting his arms up in surrender, he added a false whisper to Roxas, "Women, crazy aren't they?" Xion rolled her eyes.

"Okay, the idea is to get the bigger piece of pocky and don't drop it. If your lips touch, you have to kiss for five seconds."

Roxas was horrified. What if he got stuck in a lip lock with Demyx? Or worse: _Axel._

Not that he would ever mind being kissed by Axel, he just didn't trust himself to not… get carried away.

He gulped as Axel raised the stick to him lips and turned to face Xion, who put the other end between her teeth.

"Someone count down," she said between clenched teeth.

"3…2…1…GO!" shouted Demyx, who seemed to be enjoying himself. Axel expertly snaked the treat into his mouth with his tongue, but snapped away from Xion before they're lips could touch. He'd clearly won the round.

"And that's how you play," said Xion cheerfully, "feel free to get into it if you like," she added to Demyx and Zexion, who both blushed.

"How do we figure out who goes with who?" Roxas asked her.

"Oh right! We need a bottle! You spin it and whoever it lands on, you pocky with."

Roxas, not wanting to be the only one to wimp out, nodded his head, "Okay, let's play."

"Alright!" Xion whooped. She got up and picked up one of the empty Smirnoff bottles that still littered the floor from the other night.

"This will do," she said, drinking the gulpful that was left. "Who wants to go first? We'll go clockwise from there."

Demyx bounced up and down, "Ooh, ooh can I go?"

Xion handed him a stick and the bottle, "Go for it."

They all sat in a circle on the floor, and Demyx set the bottle down in the middle and spun.

To his dismay, the bottle landed on Roxas. Demyx, unfazed, put the pocky between his teeth and leaned forward.

"3…2…1… Pocky!" Xion shouted.

Demyx lurched forward enthusiastically. Roxas struggle to keep up with him. The candy vanished pretty quickly, and their teeth clicked together. Unfortunately so did their lips. He squeezed his eyes shut and held still, his lips pressed to Demyx's. After a very quickly counted five seconds he pulled back and wiped his mouth off with his hand, Demyx doing the same. He sent an apologetic look to Zexion, who shrugged his shoulders. It was all good fun.

And so it went: Axel to Zexion, Xion to Roxas, Zexion to Demyx (and they indeed got_very_ into it, Xion had to clear her throat obnoxiously to snap them out of it."

Finally it was Roxas' turn. He gulped and spun the bottle. It landed on himself.

"Umm, does this mean I get a freebie?" he asked.

"Yeah, but you have to go again," said Xion, handing him an extra stick. He munched on his free piece and spun the bottle again. The anticipation was horrible. _Just please, land on anybody but…_ the bottle stopped.

_…Axel._

"Well I guess it's you and me Rox," Axel said brightly, getting up on his knees to better lean towards Roxas. He watched two rows of perfectly straight, white teeth clamp down onto the chocolate end. He took the other side carefully.

"3…2…1… GO!"

Axel's lips moved quickly, clearly trying to get the bigger piece. Roxas, feeling brave, also tried to move quickly.

He was so concentrated he forgot that their lips weren't supposed to touch. He just smooshed them together without hesitation. To his disappointment, though, Axel ended up getting the last of it, making a triumphant noise while their lips were still connected. Roxas froze.

_Well this is awkward…_

Axel didn't move, neither did Roxas, but their lips were molded together much more than Roxas' were to Demyx's His face grew hot, he so much wanted to move his lips against the redhead's, to feel his tongue. After what seemed like more than five seconds Axel drew back. Everyone was staring.

"What?"

Before anyone could answer, Sora burst through the door, followed closely by Riku. _Seriously, _Roxas thought, _were they ever apart?_

"Roxas! Where the _hell_ have you been?" Sora demanded. Roxas was shocked and confused. Shocked because Sora_ never _yelled, and confused because he hadn't been anywhere.

"Uhh, here," he said, "What's going on?"

"Why haven't you been answering your phone?" he yelled. Roxas studied him. He was still wearing his costume, but had taken all the heavy parts off. He looked angry and disheveled, like an angry kitten. His face was red and blotchy, and Roxas could see tear streaks running through all the makeup. Something was very wrong.

"My phone?" he asked dumbly. He reached into his pocket. Empty. "I could have sworn—oh!" he paused, "I must have left it in my room when I changed."

"You didn't hear it ringing?" Riku asked cynically.

It took a minute for the answer to come to him. He groaned and put his face in his hands. "I switched it to vibrate when we went into the party. There was no way I'd be able to hear it in there, and it won't do both at once…" he trailed off. He was extremely concerned about Sora. "Sora, _please_, what happened?"

Sora broke out into sobs. He tried to speak, but only ended up choking out, "It's n-n- its n—" Roxas cut him off.

"Don't you dare tell me it's nothing! Look at you, you're a mess."

"No," Sora said on a sob. It sounded like 'No-ho-ho.' "R-riku?" he must have been asking his boyfriend to explain, because Riku started speaking, his arms wrapped around Sora.

"It's Naminé," said Riku gravely. He spoke calmly, but Roxas caught an edge to his voice that told him Riku was holding back tears as well, "She and Kairi were ready to leave, and we weren't. They assured us that _you_ would give them a ride, and that they just wanted to let us know they were leaving. After that we really don't know the details, because we weren't with them. But we've managed to conclude that they called you, probably several times, before deciding to walk. On their way home they were… attacked." His voice broke a little. Roxas could see the ball of his throat inching up. To date Roxas had never seen him cry.

Part of him really didn't want to know the rest of the story? What if she was raped? Roxas couldn't stand the thought of his little sister broken like that. Or worse? What was worse? Would she die? Maybe he was taking this too far, for all he knew it had only been an attempt to hurt them and they were just fine.

"H-how—how bad?" He managed to ask. If _anything _happened to her… and it was all his fault.

"She's alive," he assured Roxas, but his expression wasn't comforting, "at the moment. They… they don't know if she's going to make it. And Kairi's in shock. If looks like the attacker only went for Naminé. She has a few slashed and a stab wound." The words hurt Roxas physically, he felt like he was being stabbed. Axel, who was clutching his wrist (his bad wrist, Roxas noted) the whole time, slackened his grip when he heard his own sister was unharmed.

"From the look of it, they struggled, and he, or she, who knows what kind of sickos are out there? _They_ sliced her a few times before going for the…kill," his voice broke again on the last word. "And then they just left the girls in the street. We don't know for sure if that's what happened. Kairi's catatonic, she still hasn't spoken, and they're doing everything they can for Naminé She's alive but… she hasn't woken up yet." His breaths were hitched as he wrapped his arms tighter around Sora, who had been crying silently the whole time.

Roxas couldn't speak. He couldn't even really think. Slowly, he stood up and made for the door. He felt a warm hand clamp down on his shoulder, applying enough pressure to hold him back.

"Where are you going?" It was Axel, he sounded incredibly concern.

There was silence. Everybody had been listening quietly to Riku's story. Now they all sat still, mouths open in horror.

Hearing Axel's voice and feeling his hand on his shoulder gave Roxas a bit of strength. He said evenly, "I'm going to see her… I have to… see."

"I'm coming with you," Axel said seriously.

"We'll all go," piped up Sora, who seemed to have stopped crying for the moment, "Riku can drive us."

Riku, because he immediately agreed to anything Sora asked of him, nodded once and everyone, including Xion, followed Roxas out the door.

They had the usual seating arrangement, except Xion sat between Axel and Roxas on the back bench.

"Are you okay, Roxas?" Axel asked. It was weird hearing him say Roxas' whole name. It was usually just 'Rox' or 'Roxy.' Which only Axel and his family were allowed to call him.

He shook his head slowly, "No…" he said quietly. "I'm not. My baby sister is hurt. She might be _dying_." His voice was breaking, but he continued to speak, "And it's totally my fault."

Xion finally spoke up, "Roxas," she said sternly, "this is _not _your fault. Things played out this way, the reasoning for it is something we will never understand. You _can't _find fault in something you don't understand. You can't change what happened. All you can do now is forgive yourself and try to pick up the pieces like everyone else. Kairi and Naminé didn't _have _to walk. They could have asked Sora and Riku for a ride. They could have waited. They could have called Axel's phone. But it's not our place to concern about what 'would've, could've or should've, only what we can and will do about it."

"He tried to find comfort in her speech, but he couldn't. He _knew _he was to blame. He couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't deserve any of their sympathy. _He _wasn't the one with the stab wounds and possibly on his deathbed. _He_ was the one that caused it. If he weren't such a screw up they'd all still be in the living room, laughing and drinking and playing video games. They wouldn't be sitting here, on the verge of tears, wondering if anything would ever be the same after this.

All that ran through his mind was the man in the parking lot, sobbing and pounding his fist on the ground and damming himself for the death of… her. Would Roxas become that man? Did he just take the rest of his sister's life away?

Axel put an arm on his shoulders, and Xion took his hand in hers and squeezed gently. He had an impulse to pull away from both of them, but he didn't. He _liked_ having Axel's arms wrapped around him. He allowed himself to rest his head on his friend's shoulder; he was starting to get very tired. He refused to let himself close his eyes and drift off, because unconsciousness was an escape. An escape he didn't deserve. As long of Naminé was suffering, he would suffer too.

When they walked into the hospital, everything seemed hazy and dreamlike. When Sora asked the woman at the front desk for their little sister, his voice seemed fuzzy and far off to Roxas. His feet carried him, but he didn't feel like he was walking. The only thing that kept him from collapsing and never moving again was Axel's hand, which never left his shoulder.

When they finally reached Naminé's room, the nurse told them that only family was allowed in. Zexion and Demyx sat on the floor against the wall, and Xion sunk into a nearby chair. Riku kissed Sora on the cheek and gave him a little push into the room. Axel wrapped one arm around Roxas and gave him a gentle hug, before pushing him in as well.

Cloud and Leon were already inside, and so was Kairi. Roxas later assumed that Kairi was allowed in because she had been there when Naminé was hurt.

Now that he was no longer attached to Axel, the reality came crashing into him like a freight train. Aside from a faint bruise on her pale cheek, he couldn't see any injuries. But he didn't need too. He saw her laying there, looking like a fallen angel or a broken porcelain doll, heavily bandaged and hooked up to five or six different machines…

Roxas rapidly took in everything around him: The glossy speckled floor, the rhythmic beeping coming from Naminé's heart monitor, that hospital smell.

That sickening hospital smell. Roxas only had one other memory of being inside to hospital. He had been visiting Axel, who had broken his collarbone in a skiing accident. But he still remembered how his thirteen-year-old self wrinkled his nose when he walked into the building. He found it ironic that the smell of a _hospital,_ which was supposed to make people better, made him feel sick to his stomach. It smelled like latex and cleaning solution; it made him very dizzy and lightheaded.

He wasn't dizzy and lightheaded tonight. The sick feeling that ripped through his stomach like claws didn't come from the hospital. It was the feeling he got every time something terrible was happening and he couldn't do anything about it. He saw Sora, with tears sliding down his generally happy face. His father sat under the window, with one hand on his forehead and his other holding one of Leon's, who was staring at the floor.

Kairi was sitting right next to the bed, and seemed to be staring at nothing.

Cloud brought his head up once to acknowledge his sons, then put it back down. Leon looked up at them but wouldn't meet Roxas' eyes. Kairi didn't move.

Sora and Roxas sat in chairs opposite their fathers'. Aside from the sounds of their breathing and the heart monitor, it remained silent. Once or twice Roxas thought he saw his blond father flash him a glare.

_He knows it's my fault._

After what seemed like hours, Kairi moved. She took one of the broken girl's hands in her own.

"Naminé…" she whispered. Her voice was hoarse and ragged.

Then suddenly the heart monitor went crazy. Before Roxas could begin to grasp what was going on, he and his family were being ushered and shoved out of the room by nurses.

Sora was sobbing hard now. As soon as they were back out in the hallway Riku came to him and took him in his arms. Sora clung to him and cried on his shoulder.

Cloud buried his face in his hands. Leon followed Riku's example and wrapped his arms around his husband. Cloud wasn't crying, because he never cried, but his breaths were choked. He'd always had a bit of a soft spot for Naminé, he'd called her 'princess' all her life. Now he was repeating quietly, "please, princess, please."

It hit Roxas that she was _dying _in there. Behind shut blinds, doctors and nurses were fighting tooth and nail to keep her alive. His sweet innocent baby sister.

He had to get out.

He couldn't stay here. They would hate him. All of them. _He _hated him. He _killed _his baby sister. _He _should be the dead one. He was all alone and that's how it was going to stay.

With strength that wasn't his own, he shoved Axel out of the way and sprinted down the hallway, ignoring the desperate cries that followed him.

He went to the nearest bathroom and locked the door behind him.

_Need something sharp, need something sharp, need something sharp._

He didn't expect to actually find anything, especially in a hospital, but after a minute of searching the floor, he found a rusty nail, presumably having fallen out of one of the stalls.

_This will do,_ he thought. He dragged his sleeve up and wrenched his wristbands off with his teeth, taking the bindings with it. He'd used a thumbtack before, surely a nail wouldn't be much different.

Unlike a razorblade, blunt pointy things did not make a clean cut. He raked the nail across his skin, hissing at the pain. The skin was left ripped and scraped open instead of cut. Whenever he saw a wound like that, the word 'laceration' would jump to mind. He'd learned the term in a high school health class, and for some reason it stuck to him.

He smirked a little bit. There he was, defiling and mutilating his own flesh because he _killed_ his baby sister, yet he found bitter humor in knowing that should he be placed under medical treatment, the wounds would be reported as _lacerations _instead of just gashes.

_This doesn't change anything. _He snapped to himself. _Your sister is still dead. Everybody still hates you and you are still completely alone. And it is still all your fault. You need to die._

He'd only considered suicide once before.

He didn't think it really counted, because he was an angsty twelve year old boy at the time, and he wanted to do it merely for the silly reason that Sora had broken the family television and Roxas was the one punished for it. But the thought crossed his mind nonetheless.

He was serious now. He obviously had no place in the worlds. He inconvenienced everybody he knew and loved just by living; and he _killed _his baby sister.

_You need to do it _now, _before you pussy out and change your mind,_ he told himself numbly.

**Readers: Nooooooo Roxas don't do it! We love yooooouuuu!**

**Roxas: Go away**

**Readers: -chases kingdomflameviii with pitchforks-**

**Me: WAIT! He's just confused! I promise!**

**Namine fans: -sharpens pitchforks-**

**Me: *sigh* just go read chapter nine -.-**

**Please Review!**


	9. Where's Your Sword?

**Disclaimer: I don't own kingdom hearts**

He wasn't sure why he picked the clock tower, of all places. He didn't care. All Roxas knew was that he had to leave the world as quickly as possible, so he wouldn't have to see his brother's understanding sympathetic expression he knew he didn't deserve, or his father's accusing glare that he knew he _did_ deserve, or his step father's worried face, staring off into space, that he knew he caused.

The air was shockingly cold for a mid-August night. _The twelfth, to be specific, _he thought. He checked his watch. 3:45. _Oh… I guess it's the thirteenth. Does it matter?_

A chilly gust of wind blew through his messy, golden hair, making the little hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

Shivering slightly, he sighed and slid his wristbands off. _Now's as good a time as ever to show the world what I've been hiding,_ he thought to himself, eyeing the dozen or so cuts he'd made on his left wrist. He'd opened one he'd made moments ago when he took the band off, leaving it trickling slightly.

_Now or never…_ he thought to himself, making sure the note he'd scribbled on a scrap of paper he'd found in Riku's van was tucked safely in his pocket. He took a deep breath and stepped up onto the elevated edge…

"Roxas! What the fuck are you doing!"

"Damn…" he muttered. He was caught.

"Get out of here Axel," he snarled to the man he loved, "this isn't your business."

"Fuck it isn't! You really think you're gonna fix anything this way? What about your dad, huh? What about Sora? What about all your friends? What about me!"

"No one would miss me." He said bitterly.

Axel looked hurt. "That's not true! I would…"

Roxas didn't have anything to say to that, but he seriously doubted anybody would miss him. So he turned back around towards the ledge. In a few seconds he'd hit the ground in front of the glass doors at 9.8 meters per second—well, probably more, since it was a long drop—and it wouldn't matter anymore.

"Roxas, I swear to fucking God if you jump I'll follow you!"

Suddenly Roxas was yanked out of any concentration he may have had. The thought of Axel dying… even if Roxas himself wouldn't be alive to see it, that hurt more than knowing that he just _killed _his baby sister.

"Axel…" he breathed menacingly, "Don't you _dare._"

"I'm not the one on the edge of a building!" Axel retorted, "_Our _building no less. Don't _you_ dare!"

"Why not!" he found himself screaming, "I _killed _my baby sister! My life's been a fuck up from the start! I don't _really _care that much about myself being unhappy, but when everybody else is miserable because of me? _Obviously_ I have to go!"

Axel took a step closer and grabbed Roxas by the wrist, "Two things…" he said. His eyes were red and glossy, "First… how long have you been doing this?"

Roxas swallowed. "Uhhh about six months? Maybe seven? I don't know I remember doing it on Christmas."

Axel turned white, "On Chris—Jesus, Roxas…"

Roxas was getting a little bit irritated with Axel for distracting him; he should be dead by now.

"What else did you want?" he asked flatly, "I was kind of in a hurry."

"… I just wanted to say that I meant what I said, that night at Marluxia's."

Roxas struggled to remember what Axel had told him. '_Don't you realize how important you are to me? If you're unhappy with yourself, I need you to tell me, so I can tell you that you're the best person I know. That you're caring and selfless, and there's nobody I'd rather spend every single day with than you.'_

Roxas didn't believe that. "Look, you don't have to try to make me feel better 'cause you feel guilty 'cause I wanna kill myself, it's not your fault or anything."

Axel yanked him off the ledge, "What the _fuck,_ Roxas! I'm not trying to get you off a ledge because I feel _guilty!_ I'm doing it 'cause I'm in love with you damn it!"

If Axel's hands weren't holding him firmly in place he probably would've fallen off the tower. Roxas stared at him, dumbfounded. He couldn't be serious. He couldn't.

Before Roxas could speak (what would he have said, anyway?) Axel released him.

"And if that doesn't mean anything to you, hopefully knowing that I _will_ jump if you do does. But if you'll excuse me there's one thing I'd like to do before I go."

Before Roxas could talk, move, or even register what was said, Axel grabbed his shoulders again and kissed him.

It wasn't like the first time, hungry and lustful. It was desperate. Roxas almost immediately brought his hands up to caress the boy's face. At first it was an impulse to push him away, but Roxas quickly realized he didn't want to. Because now, as selfish as that made him, be had something to live for…

He lightly tugged Axel's hair in response to the kiss, and Axel, realizing he didn't have to keep them where they were, moved his hands from Roxas' shoulders down to his back, pulling the smaller boy closer to him. When he started pulling away, Roxas stood on his tiptoes to lock them in a tender kiss. Then he snuggled his face against Axel's chest, whose arms were still wrapped around him.

"I'm not gonna jump," he murmured, "And I love you. I have for a while."

"Is that what's been eating you lately?" Axel asked.

"Well, yeah." Said Roxas, "I figured if you knew you'd be a little…umm, freaked out. You know, since I didn't really admit it to myself until after—"

"After I jumped your bones?" Axel offered with a smirk.

"Uhh, kinda," Roxas said, blushing, "but I was in denial about it for a long time."

Axel nodded, "I get it. I wasn't in _denial_ about you per say, I was just too thick skulled to realize just how much… you meant to me. But remember that time you had a crush on Olette, and I told you she was dating Rai?" Roxas nodded, "Well she really wasn't. She had a huge crush on you. I told her that you and Kairi had a thing going, but you didn't want anyone to know and the only reason _I _knew was because I heard you two messing around in her room while we were supposed to be having a sleep over," he laughed hard at the memory, "I wasn't sure_ why_ I did it at the time, but now I think I was probably jealous… okay, I was _definitely _jealous." He chuckled a little, "You mad?"

"Nah," said Roxas, "To tell the truth, I never actually liked her. I just pretended to 'cause you always liked lots of girls and I didn't want you to think I was weird."

Axel actually laughed out loud at this, Roxas felt it rumble through his chest, "To be honest, I never actually thought about you dating anyone. Not in high school anyway. I just couldn't picture you in a relationship; you just weren't the lovey type."

"Oh, thanks!" Roxas joked. His grin quickly faded when he remembered everything that was going on.

"Axel…" he sighed. "Naminé—"

"Is okay," Axel interrupted, "they got her heart going the second you left. She stable, and the doc says she'll probably wake up tomorrow. You scared us more than she did."

"I'm sorry…" he said, "I didn't want anybody to _have _to worry about me."

"Jesus, Roxas, what the hell were you thinking?" he snarled, "You really think that's what your family needs, especially right now? Sora would be crushed, you're _twins _for Christ's sake, and what exactly would we tell Naminé when she woke up and asked for you? And _Xion,_ Roxas, how do you think she'd deal with that? You could spend days, weeks, _months_ analyzing what happened and think of everything that could've done to prevent it. Or you can just pick up the fucking pieces you're left with and move on."

"I feel so stupid now," Roxas mumbled, "I'm sorry for being so over dramatic."

Axel traced a finger over his lips, "I will forgive you on one condition," he leaned in close and whispered, "stop apologizing for everything."

His lips brushed ever so lightly over Roxas', "You aren't perfect," he admitted, "but you're what I want. To me you're as perfect as it gets, I don't want anyone else."

That made Roxas crack a smile, "I'm yours."

"How sentimental," said a deep, cold voice. Roxas knew that voice. It took all the bravery he had just to turn and face the man. Upon seeing him Roxas froze, and he was rendered as scared and useless as he was as a child.

"Who the hell are you?" Axel growled, irritated. Roxas grabbed him by the arm.

"Don't!" he said, shaking, "S-Sephiroth."

There stood the man that had haunted Roxas' dreams for as long as he could remember; the man who killed his mother, in front of him.

"I-It was you," Roxas said, quivering from fear and from anger, "You're the one who attacked Naminé!"

His lynx eyes narrowed, the corners of his mouth tipped up to form a sinister smile. He circled around the boys like a vulture.

"My, how you've grown," he sneered, "You still look like your father—"

"—and you haven't changed a bit," said Cloud, appearing seemingly out of nowhere to join them on the roof. If he weren't scared shitless Roxas would've groaned, did _everyone _know he'd be here?

"Cloud," said Sephiroth, smiling genuinely, "You came."

"To save my son's life, you bastard," Cloud snarled. "You have no place in my life. You never did."

"Never did?" Sephiroth repeated, "Never did! _You left me!_ You broke my heart, you son of a bitch!"

"You were stalking me," Cloud scoffed, "I hardly think that counts as a relationship. The silver-haired man wasn't listening, he just kept ranting.

"—were supposed to be with _me!_ You were supposed to love _me!_" he all but shrieked, "then you went off and married that _wretch_ and had those_ brats—"_

"SHUT UP!" Cloud roared, "You'll pay. For my wife, for my daughter, and for my sons!"

Sephiroth didn't move. He looked at his feet, "Cloud… I thought we were at least friends. Aren't we best friends?"

Cloud laughed bitterly, "That was before you tried to rape me, killed my wife, almost killed my daughter, and by the looks of it attempted to kill my son."

"With them gone we can start a new life together," Sephiroth said softly, "we can start our love anew."

"You don't know what love is, Sephiroth," Cloud said, "And if you ever touch my family again, the only new life you'll be starting is the afterlife."

"Oh really?" said Sephiroth, smirking. He drew his blade, which, like him, looked the same as always; long, thin, shiny, and at least long. Roxas briefly wondered how he'd gotten through the revolving doors.

"Where's your sword, Cloud?" he asked, turning his Masamune toward Roxas and Axel.

Cloud quickly drew a revolver from his pocket, cocked it, and pointed it directly at him. "Grew out of it," he sneered.

Before the man could move, or even frown, Cloud pulled the trigger. The gun made an earsplitting bang, the bullet hitting Sephiroth squarely in the chest. The impact from the bullet knocked him backwards, right off the tower.

Roxas looked over the ledge. The man was on the ground, his limbs all bent at odd angles. If there was any question about the condition of his life before, there wasn't any now; he was clearly dead.

The three men were silent for a moment. Roxas started to take very deep, frequent breaths, he would start hyperventilating soon. His father walked over to him.

"You aren't hurt are you?" he asked his son. Roxas shook his head.

Axel wrapped his arms around him and rubbed his shoulders. "It's okay, Rox, it's okay. He's gone. Forever. He won't ever hurt you or anyone else again."

Roxas was nodding frantically, trying to get the message across. He said sloppily between breaths, "I know, I know, I know. I can't—"

Axel put a finger to the other boy's lips, "Shhh, it's alright. I'm here."

Cloud flipped open his cellphone and called 911. Roxas heard the operator say, _'911, what is your emergency?'_

"My son, his friends, and myself are on top of Tram Station. A man named Sephiroth threatened our live, armed. I shot him in our defense, and he fell off. He is almost certainly dead… No our lives are not in immediate danger… Cloud Strife, Roxas Strife, Axel Sabin… Thank you."

He closed the phone, "They'll be here soon," he informed them.

Cloud was a solider once, which was likely why he seemed unfazed by the fact that he'd just taken the life of a human being. Then again, Sephiroth wasn't very… humanlike.

Roxas slumped against the wall, he was still trying to take in everything that had happened. Axel approached him cautiously.

"Are you okay?" he asked concernedly. Roxas nodded his head yes, but threw his arms around Axel's neck anyway. Axel immediately put his hands on his back and hugged him tightly. Then, without warning, without even caring that his father was watching, Roxas wove his hands through Axel's hair and pulled him in to kiss him, fiercely.

Axel moaned into the kiss, and Roxas felt a hot tongue slide between his lips against his teeth. He opened his mouth to let Axel in, their tongues brushed together, then he flicked his tongue teasingly against Axel's lip, causing the boy to moan again.

He heard a snicker hidden behind a cough. They broke apart, gasping for air. Cloud was smirking at them. Roxas' cheeks flushed as red as Axel's hair when he realized their position; he had his legs wrapped around Axel's waist, and Axel's hands were on his ass.

Axel, blushing too, released him and ran one had through his hair, "Hehe, sorry," he told Cloud, embarrassed.

Cloud waved a hand indifferently, "You kids just won me twenty bucks," he said, showing them the picture he'd apparently just took of them on his phone. Roxas blushed darker, at the exact moment Cloud decided to snap a picture, Roxas' mouth was wide open, giving the viewer a clear view of what was going on inside.

"Ugh, Dad," he said with a groan, "You didn't…"

Relax, kid, it's just going to Leon." Roxas groaned again. Cloud sent the picture with an attached message: '_u owe me 20$ :P'_

Roxas was flabbergasted. "You two…_ bet _on my _relationship?_"

Cloud gave a little chuckle, which sounded more like a 'hmph.' "That's right," he teased.

Roxas had half a mind to flip him off, but then remembered it was his father he was talking to and decided against it. He could hear approaching sirens, and within minutes several police cars and an ambulance were parked in the station plaza.

**Phew! Bet ya didn't see Sephiroth comin back did ya? Oh you did? TT~TT **

**Review review! Please! Let me know if that was like the worst showdown in the history of showdowns, I wrote this at like 2 in the moring -_-**


	10. Coffee and Hostess cakes

**Prepare! Tis the final chapter! *sobs* As short as it is, I've actually grown pretty attached to this story and i hope to write more in the future. I'll probably have an epilogue up for this soon ^^**

**Disclaimer: As much as a wish I did, I do not in fact own Kingdom Hearts. Just a whole lot of merchandise.**

After several hours of questioning, the three of them were finally allowed to leave the station to see Naminé. Roxas told the chief of police everything, except having been up there to kill himself. He knew what would've happened if he told anyone, they'd be obligated to put him under 24 hour suicide watch for a few days, and he'd be subjected to several months of therapy and counseling. He realized that he probably needed this, but he had a terrible phobia of psychiatrists. Axel knew that too, and he also made it sound like they were simply up there for the view.

The boys weren't sure what Cloud told them, but by the time the sun began to rise, they were free to go, and nobody was under the impression that Roxas was in any danger of suicide.

"How did you know—?" Roxas asked his father once they were back in the hospital.

"I knew it was Sephiroth that attacked Naminé. I was certain the moment they told me Kairi was unharmed," he answered, "I wasn't about to let you alone when I knew he was out to get us again. By the time we were positive Naminé was stable, Axel had already left to find you. I had to, erm, _assure_ Leon that I would… well… come back to him," he blushed a little, "And Sora told me that I'd probably find you at the clock tower," he finished.

All at once everyone burst into the room and they were bombarded with questions.

"_Roxas! Where the hell were you?"_

"_Dad, turn on the news! They found Sephiroth, he's _dead._"_

"_Axel, why is your hand on Roxas' ass?"_

"_OUT! Too many visitors!"_

After being rushed into the hallway by a disgruntled nurse, the three of them went into detail about their encounter with Sephiroth, again leaving out the fact that Roxas went there to die in the first place; he instead made it sound like he'd gone to clear his head. The went uninterrupted aside from a gasp from Sora when Sephiroth came into the story and a 'pshaww' from Demyx when Cloud made a remark about 'sucking face against the wall,' warranting a blush from both of them. Xion giggled and smiled.

Roxas was exhausted. He was only half listening most of the time. He drooped his head onto Axel's shoulder and closed his eyes. Axel kissed his temple and intertwined their fingers. By about eight o'clock Roxas found himself drifting to sleep in Axel's arms.

Axel's POV

He and Zexion were the only ones left awake in the hallway. Roxas slept soundly with his head buried in Axel's neck, Sora and Riku were both sleeping in each other's arms; Sora's head resting on Riku's shoulder, Riku's head resting on Sora's. Demyx was curled up on Zexion's lap like a kitten; Zexion absently stroked his hair whilst reading a medical journal he'd found in the waiting room. Xion was half lying, half sitting next to Roxas, her head on his shoulder.

Leon and Cloud had both returned to Naminé's room, and Kairi had never left. From what Axel could see, she hadn't moved an inch since she got there. He was beginning to genuinely worry about his little sister. She was normally happy and sweet and loud and a little bossy. Now, she sat still as a statue, staring forward, her eyes glazed over, all the while holding Naminé's hand. Axel prayed to any ultimate being or beings that would listen that everyone would come out of this okay.

Especially Roxas. Axel slid off the arm band covering the boy's damaged wrists. He noticed that the majority of the cuts were even and clean. They looked like they were tended and healing fine and showed no signs of infection. A few others, however, were anything but clean and even. The skin was torn and ragged and definitely not cleaned. Some of them still seemed open; although there was no blood coming out, there wasn't much clotting, and the wounds were still bright red as opposed to dark and still appeared wet. Otherwise, the crudely made gashes were messy and covered with much more clotted blood than necessary to keep them closed.

Axel took Roxas' arm in his hand and gently ran a thumb over it. He could feel the bumpy flesh as his thumb passed over it. It felt strange and unnatural, it reminded him of the feeling he when he had a layer of dried clay on his hands or when somebody squeaked a chalkboard. Just thinking about it made him shudder.

What had pressured Roxas into doing this to himself? Axel had always thought that cutting one's wrist was what teenaged girls did when they wanted attention. But Axel knew better than to assume that's what Roxas was doing. The blonde never has his wrists uncovered, whether it be by sweat band or long sleeves, and he never so much as _hinted _that he was unhappy, aside from the night he took ecstasy. Even then it had slipped out by accident, Axel was sure of that by the way Roxas had avoided the topic.

_Maybe he never brought it up because he didn't want to sound like an attention craving teenaged girl, _Axel reasoned, _but he still should have told somebody, this is serious._

It broke his heart knowing that Roxas thought nobody cared about him. In Axel's eyes, he was perfect, aside from all of his unhappiness. He was sweet, considerate, selfless, funny, smart…

Not that it mattered one bit to Axel, but he couldn't help but point out to himself that Roxas was _beautiful _too.

He studied the sleeping boy's face. It wasn't frowning or scowling, or fighting back tears. His skin was smooth and tranquil, for once, absent any lines of anguish.

Axel kept himself awake by naming off everything he loved about Roxas. He started with hip lips; they were pink and smooth, there wasn't on chapped crease on them. His eyes, Axel knew, even though they were closed, were a striking cerulean, deeper than the ocean. Whether they were happy, upset, on the verge of tears, confused, glaring (Axel, for the record, thought that glare was very sexy) or even just staring off into space, they always seemed to sparkle. It was so easy for Axel to get lost in them.

He moved on to the hair. It was soft as a cat's fur, and shiny and golden like the afternoon sun, in its usual spikey do. When Axel was little he had thought that Roxas styled his hair, like he did. It wasn't until he was a little older that he realized the Roxas didn't own any har gel, and his hair was always soft. It had baffled him that the boy's hair did that _naturally_, it took _him _at least an hour to do his every day.

He'd gotten used to it eventually, of course, he came to find it was just typical strife family hair. Almost every male in Roxas' family had gravity defying spikes, with the exception of his uncle Zack, but even _he _had this flippy thingy that should not be staying up on its own. Also, Roxas cousins Ven and Vanitas both had it. Still, Axel couldn't help being envious of it, the blonde just rolled out of bed and looked _perfect._

He ran one hand gently through Roxas' perfect hair, then placed a soft kiss on his head. He stopped touching the boy's wounds and slid the wristband back into place; Xion was beginning to stir. Axel wasn't certain that Zexion hadn't seen, but Axel trusted him to know boundaries. Zexion was the kind of person to know that Roxas would talk about it if he wanted to, and if he didn't, then it was none of his business.

Suddenly Cloud poked his head out the door, looking as though he hadn't slept in years.

"Naminé is awake," he told Axel quietly, "Wake the boys if you like."

Axel nodded to show he heard, and Cloud went back inside. He nuzzled Roxas' head.

"Rox. _Roxy,_" he whispered into the blonde's ear, "Wake up, Rox, Naminé is up."

He ran his finger's up and down Roxas' side; he knew he was ticklish. Roxas jolted awake when Axel's fingers brushed over a particularly sensitive part of his side.

"Wuzzgoinon?" he mumbled, letting his head fall back down onto Axel's shoulder. Axel kissed his temple.

"Naminé's awake, love," he murmured, not wanting to wake the others just yet.

Roxas perked up immediately, "She is? How long—?"

"Your dad just came out to tell me now," Axel assured him, "wanna go in and see her?"

Roxas nodded right away, "Yeah, but I'm gonna go get Sora up first. He should come too."

He sat up groggily and rubbed his eyes like a child. To Axel's pleasant surprise, Roxas pecked him on the lips before standing up and shuffling over to Sora. He started lazily prodding him with his foot.

"Sora, you lazy bum," he half whispered, half spoke, "get up."

Riku, who was still attached to Sora, noticed the movement before Sora did. He was a light sleeper, and as Axel knew, Sora was not.

"What's up, Roxas?" Riku asked, stretching and yawning.

"Naminé just woke up," Roxas explained, "I didn't want to go in without Sora."

Riku nodded, "I see," he said, knowing all too well that Sora could probably sleep through nuclear warfare, "I figured out a way to get him up, it's a reflex."

The siliverette slid off one of his boyfriend's shoes and tapped the arch of his foot a few times. He gave a little spasm, then opened his eyes. Axel had to admire Riku's logic. All those years he and Roxas had to get Sora up and they'd never thought of anything like that.

"Jeez Riku," Sora complained, "Do you always have to do that?"

"Morning to you too," Riku smirked. After kissing the boy several times, on the mouth and otherwise, he said, "Naminé is up."

Sora jumped to his feet immediately, "She is? How long has she been waiting?"

"Not long," said Axel, joining their conversation, "You dad came out about five or ten minutes ago to tell us."

"What time is it?" Sora asked casually. Axel checked his watch. _Holy shit._

"A little past noon," he said. He hadn't slept in well over twenty-four hours.

Zexion, who had been listening quietly, seemed to realize this too, "Axel," he said, "It would most likely be in our best interests to go home and rest, as you and I have both been awake for quite some time."

"S'ok, I'll wait. I'll go down to the cafeteria and grab some coffee while they're visiting," Axel reassured him.

"Are you sure?" Roxas asked, "Really, you don't have to wait for us."

"I want to," he said simply, "I know that Riku will, and he's my ride home anyway, I'll keep him company."

Riku nodded, then gave Sora a little push towards the door to Naminé's room.

"Go. Both of you," he said to them, "Naminé is waiting."

Roxas' POV

Though he was extremely relived that Naminé was okay, he was terrified to face her. She'd be furious with him, he knew. She had a right to be; he'd almost _killed_ her.

So naturally he was expecting dagger when he came into the room. He was shocked when Naminé beamed at him. She beamed and beamed like it was Christmas morning, and Roxas was a brand new puppy.

When they got a little closer, her smile faded, "You look terrible, Roxas." She stated sadly.

"Look who's talking," he said, grinning a little. Right after saying he realized that was probably the completely _wrong_ thing to say. He sat on the bed, opposite of Kairi, who still wasn't looking at anybody.

"Nam," he said, taking her hand. It was cold. "I am so sorry. All of this is my fault. I wasn't there when I should've been."

He was choking back sobs. Naminé was affectionately moving her thumb in small circles over the back of his hand.

"Shhh, it's okay," she said, "Dad already explained what happened, I know it wasn't your fault. I'm gonna be okay. The doctor said that all my vitals are fine. I'm lucky really. He told me if I'd… gotten hit anywhere else I'd have been screwed," she smiled weakly, "I guess Mom's still watching out for us."

What was this? _She_ wasn't supposed t be comforting _him._

"But Nam," he argued, "none of this would've happened—"

"If me and Kairi decided not to walk? If was just bugged Riku for a ride instead? If we called Axel? If Dad didn't have a thing for crazy sadistic men?" Cloud cleared his throat, "Sorry, Dad," she added, "my point is, we _could_ easily trace this back to you, or a million other things."

"Yeah," Sora threw in, "Nobody here blames you, we're all just happy everyone's okay."

Roxas just nodded at them. He still didn't really believe them. But he would try to, he promised himself he would try. He had a feeling this was something he wouldn't just get over; he'd carry it with him for some time. He just hoped that as Naminé healed, he would to.

He wouldn't sulk in pity anymore. Never. He had Axel now, that was plenty enough for him.

"On a happier note," Naminé said, breaking the silence, "I heard you finally made your way out of Narnia, Roxy."

He blushed, she giggled and winked at him, "Took you long enough," she said cheerfully.

Kairi suddenly spoke, "You and Axel are together now?" Her voice was raspy, but it wasn't stale. She didn't sound angry, or sad. She sounded like Kairi.

Everyone in the room looked at her, her sudden articulation seemed to leave everyone speechless. Even Cloud and Leon, who were holding their own conversation, stopped and stared.

"What?" she said, looking around at everyone, "is there something on my face? You never answered the question," she said, jabbing Roxas on the chest.

Roxas just nodded for her. She gave a little squeal, "Oh my gosh! That's so _sweet!_ I'm glad some things are finally working out," she said happily. Her lapse of silence apparently was over.

"Che'yeah, they're working out just fine," said Cloud, who proceeded to open up his phone and show them all the risqué picture he'd taken a few hours ago. Sora snorted, Kairi giggled.

Naminé spoke up. "Dad, please. Get rid of that, you're pretty much invaded Roxy's privacy."

Roxas was extremely grateful to Naminé for this. The last thing he needed was his father flashing around pictures of him and his new boyfriend. _Hmmmm_ _boyfriend._ Being able to use the words 'Axel' and 'boyfriend' together made him feel all fuzzy. Finally, Axel was his.

Cloud 'hmph'- chuckled again. He held out his phone for them all to see and pushed the delete button.

"Thank you," said Naminé, "I'm sure we'll be seeing this much more than we'd like to in person, a picture is unnecessary," she smirked.

If she weren't hurt, Roxas would have elbowed her. This was the way things were supposed to be…

Axel's POV

As soon as the door was shut behind Roxas and Sora, he wanted to go get his coffee. Not because he was in a rush to get away, he just needed to keep moving or he wouldn't be able to stay awake.

He bade goodbye to Zexion, who was attempting to drag a very sleepy Demyx by the waist, with Xion dragging her feet behind them. He gestured to Riku, "Shall we?

Axel and Riku were never the best of friends, but as far as Axel knew, neither of them ever had a problem with the other. He wasn't Axel's favorite person (that would be Roxas _{Roxas Roxas Roxas!} _)because he was a bit irritable, but they were as close as any college roommates should be.

He wasn't in any danger of irritating the silverette at the moment, because he was too tired to be his somewhat obnoxious self. He wondered how he could possibly piss him off more than Sora did, the kid was annoying with a capital 'A.'

_Oh yeah, because he's in love with Sora, _Axel answered for himself.

They didn't speak much for some time, with the exception of "Two large coffees," from Riku and an "I got it," when Axel made to get his wallet out. He thanked Riku and sipped his coffee, which they both liked black.

"Roxas scars himself," Riku informed Axel after the long stretch of silence.

"How do you know?" he asked Riku. He thought Roxas kept it secret from everybody, not just him.

"I beat it out of Sora a few months ago," Riku explained, "He made me swear not to tell anybody. Roxas doesn't know that I know. As far as he knows, Sora is the only one. But I thought you should know, since you two are together now. You don't seem very surprised, so I'm guessing you found out somehow."

Axel nodded, "Yeah. Last night when I followed him to the tower, he had his wristbands off."

Riku's wise eyes narrowed, "Axel, was he up there to kill himself?"

Axel didn't want to answer. He was sure that Roxas didn't want the others to know, especially Sora.

"What makes you think that?" he asked, avoiding the answer.

"Well, add the fact that he obviously has some deep personal issues, hence the self-mutilation, to the stress he must have been feeling, not to mention the_ guilt._ And the indecisive feelings he may or may not have been feeling about you…" he trailed off for a minute, "When a person's dealing with all that at once, they're clearly not thinking straight."

Axel desperately hoped that Riku was wrong about the part concerning him. If Roxas had considered suicide because of him… He decided it was okay for Riku to know, after all, he knew everything else.

"Yes," he sighed, "I caught him on the edge, getting ready to jump. But obviously I managed to get him down."

"By confessing your undying love for him?" Riku smirked.

"Shut up."

Riku snorted, then gave Axel's shoulder a half-assed punch, "It's cool, bro. I didn't confess at all," he laughed, "I just, like, went for it. I didn't really tag you as a romanticist, but hey, whatever floats your boat." He sipped casually at his coffee.

Axel, in truth, had never thought of himself as a romanticist either. But now that he thought about it, he realized he was _very _mushy when it came to Roxas. He could probably go on about how much he loved him for hours if someone allowed him to, were he not expecting them to annoy him about it to no end.

"Hmmm," was all he gave in response.

The two finished their coffee in silence, and neither of them minded one bit.

Just as they came back to the room, Sora and Roxas came out, dragging like zombies.

"We're ready to go," Sora informed them, "She's gotta go get everything checked out again, and they're gonna change her dressings," he made a face, "so me and Roxas figured it'd be a good time to go home and crash."

"Sounds good to me," Axel said.

He couldn't sit in Riku's van without remembering what had happened in the back seat. He took a quick glance back there from the second row. There was still a dent. He couldn't up but smirk at the memory, and looking to is left he saw Roxas smirking too. He caught his boyfriend's eye and saw his cheeks flush a lovely pink. He tried to keep his stupid male hormones from taking over.

_Way to pick a great time, _he told said hormones, _I'm much too tired._

He did manage to keep control of himself, by the time they got home, the urge was almost completely gone.

As they stepped through the door, he suddenly wondered if he and Roxas would be sharing a room. Technically speaking, they'd never officially announced to each other whether or not they were actually a couple. Axel had made the assumption that they were, since Roxas told him he loved him, and didn't seem to have a problem making out against brick walls while his father watched. But Axel figured he should probably check anyway. Maybe it wasn't the best time for Roxas.

He waited for Sora and Riku to go upstairs to Sora's room, one of the few bedrooms on the second floor, before turning to Roxas. He decided to just ask the question bluntly.

"Hey Roxy, do you wanna be my boyfriend?"

Roxas, who was trying to reach a hostess cake from a high shelf, stopped and turned his head to face him, "I wasn't already?" he asked.

Axel grinned broadly and walked up behind the smaller boy and wrapped his arms around his waist. He craned his neck down so that his head was level with Roxas'.

"Just making sure," he whispered, planting a kiss on the blonde's cheek.

Roxas turned his head to meet Axel's lips with his own. The kiss was soft, sweet, and short, and Axel was perfectly content with that.

He let go of Roxas and reached up to get the snack he was after; he didn't even have to extend his arm all the way.

"Show off," Roxas muttered.

When Axel headed towards his room, he was delighted to see Roxas following him. It wasn't like they never shared a bed before, but he wasn't sure if Roxas would go for that.

He shut the door behind him and stripped to his boxers, Roxas doing the same. Roxas without a shirt on was a lovely sight, Axel declared to himself. His chest was toned, but not too noticeably, though Axel could see some nice abs.

He wasn't really sure why they'd chosen to sleep in his room, since technically he didn't have a bed, he had a futon, though it was more comfortable than it looked. Axel opened it up so they could both fit easily on it.

He flopped onto it and wiggled around a little to get comfortable. Roxas waited for him grinning a little, before climbing in as well. He snuggled right up against him, so that Axel's chest was touching his back. Axel threw his arms around him and held him close. Soon the boy's breathing became steady and even.

If Axel wasn't completely wiped out, he'd be pumped. He wondered idly if Roxas could feel his heart beating through his chest. True, Axel had only waited a week, but he felt like he'd been waiting an eternity to hold the pretty blonde in his arms like this. To call him his own. To be able to tell him that he loved him simply because he did, or to make him smile that lovely smile. Because by some amazing miracle, Roxas loved him too.

There were still some things they needed to talk about, like Roxas' depression, and how they would handle it. Axel, being optimistic as he was, had faith that Roxas would be able to talk to him openly about it, and tell him the truth, and understand that Axel wouldn't judge him for it, ever. But for now, cuddling with amazing wonderful beautiful person that held his heart was just fine.

Roxas' POV

He lay still and tried to make some sense out of everything that was running though his head. He tried to organize everything into solid facts.

_Fact #1: Naminé is going to live._

He started with that. She was alive, she was going to recover. She wasn't angry at him. She wasn't in danger anymore.

_Fact #2: Sephiroth is dead._

The man had always seemed like a ghost to him anyway. Or rather, the embodiment of all his fear. He'd haunted Roxas' dreams for most of his life, and it was hard to wrap his mind around the idea that the silver haired man would never, could never, come back to get him, or his family, ever again.

He'd been telling himself that for years that he shouldn't be afraid, but he couldn't bring himself to believe the words. Now it dawned on him that he didn't _have _to be afraid anymore. The man was dead. Not missing. Not locked away. Not in a mental hospital, _dead._ As Roxas came to terms with this, he felt as though a great burden was being lifted off his shoulders.

_Fact #3: I have a boyfriend._

Though he couldn't for the life of him figure out why Axel loved him, he wasn't about to question it. He just hoped that Axel wouldn't, somewhere down the road, realize that Roxas was the worst mistake he ever made.

_Stop! _Roxas snapped to himself. _I promised myself, I promised Axel that I would stop hating myself. It'll be a hard habit to break, considering I des—no! Nope, not doing it. _He sighed. Axel without a doubt would make him throw out his razors… it's just as well. If he needed to let it out now, he could tell Axel, couldn't he? He hoped he'd keep his promise.

He really, truly didn't want to hurt Axel. Even if they weren't boyfriends, the man had still been his best friend for how many years? Most of his life. Axel was always there for him and he never let him down. He had a heart of gold and Roxas could _tell_ how sincere he was. He wished he could be as good a person as that whacky redhead.

_My whacky redhead, _he reminded himself with a smile. His heart fluttered, and said redhead tightened his grip, holding Roxas closer to him. For once in his life, Roxas felt completely safe and at ease, with himself and otherwise. His eyes slid shut, and he drifted into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

**This, i kid you not, is what's written on the bottom of the last page in my notebook:**

**THE END!**

**HAHAHAHA!**

**VICTORY SCREECH**

**OLOOLOOLOOLOO!**

**see i couldn't actually screech out loud since i finished this while every one else was taking a chemistry test (I HATE CHEM) **

**stay tuned for the epilogue!**


	11. Epilogue

**And here's the epilogue! This really is the final chapter... sadly.. DX**

**WARNING! This chapter is the reason the book is rated M! Prepare for some serious lemon.**

**Guess what? i DO own kingdom hearts! ^^ **

**Roxas: she's kidding, guys, she really doesn't**

**OI, Axel, get back into the book where you belong**

**Roxas: fine, I'll go and fuck Axel :P**

**;~;**

**Roxas: smehehe**

**He's right though... i really don't own kingdom hearts**

_1 year later_

"_You guys don't have to come if you don't want to, we know you just got in and everything—"_

"—_shut up, Zexy! Yes they do!"_

Roxas could hear them from all the way across the room the argument that was taking place in Axel's phone, which Axel held six inches from his face with an amused expression.

"Relax, guys, we'll be there, the moving truck doesn't come until tomorrow morning anyway."

"_Well good!" _said Demyx's voice, _"We can't have you missing you own housewarming party."  
><em> "Which isn't even being held at our house," Axel reminded him. Roxas heard something like a '_pfft'_ from the other end of the receiver. He tuned out the conversation and looked around the empty room.

In the last year, they'd both gotten jobs, and had put every penny of it away.

They'd just bought a little house, with their own money. Roxas couldn't say he wasn't nervous. He'd have to do adult things like pay bills and do taxes and worry about insurance and feed himself, but at least he wouldn't have to do it alone. They only had one car, which was fine, because the house was only a block away from the university and Roxas took a bus to work, where he was a student- teacher at Twilight Town high school.

He didn't make much, just a few dollars over minimum wage; Axel provided most of the income, having kept his apprenticeship at Dusk, which in another year would be a full time job. Roxas always felt a little conscious about it, but Axel never minded. He loved his job, and he loved Roxas. They weren't disgustingly happy, like Riku and Sora, but they rarely got into fights. And on the occasion that they _did_ fight, they always made up by the end of the day, usually by means of raucous and kinky sex.

"Hey, Roxas, bet ya don't know why the sun sets red."

Roxas thought about it. He vaguely recalled learning about light in elementary school. Axel was full of useless information.

"Uhh doesn't red travel the furthest?" he guessed. He thought he'd heard something like that in a video game he'd played once.

Axel grinned smugly, "Nope. The dust particles close to the horizon distort the color of the light. That's why sunsets look different depending on region."

Roxas rolled his eyes, "Did I ask? Know it all."

Then he was against the wall. "I know you did _not _just call me that," the redhead growled playfully.

Roxas raised his eyebrows, "you gonna punish me?" he teased, slipping his fingers through Axel's belt loops.

Axel's head swooped down and started to nip and suck Roxas' neck, "you bet," he murmured between kisses, "shorty," he added for good measure.

"Oh, I'll show you who's short," Roxas panted. He was starting to form a plan in that evil brain of his; Axel wasn't the only one who could be an asshole.

Roxas viciously yanked Axel by the hair, eliciting a yelp from the redhead before messily pressing their mouths together. As always, Axel's tongue battled Roxas', trying to force him into submission.

Well that just won't do.

He bit down on Axel's tongue, making the unsuspecting redhead yelp again. He retracted his tongue, giving Roxas the opportunity to lead, which he took. He took advantage of Axel's temporary lack of defense and switched their positions, instead forcing the taller male against the wall. He moved his mouth against Axel's cheek, trailing over the hot skin. He teased the soft skin behind his ear, the soft groaning from the other man became more consistent.

The redhead began to sag against Roxas' knee, which he had conveniently fitted between that man's legs. When Roxas bit down on the crook of his neck, Axel moaned loudly and bucked his hips. Roxas could feel him hard against his knee. His evil plan was working.

"Short, huh?" he said huskily, trying to make his voice sound as enticing as possible. He moved his lips to the base of the other man's throat, "Know what else I am?"

The other man groaned in response, the noise sent vibrations through Roxas. He struggled to focus on his task. He played with Axel's waistband.

"A great… big…" he whispered the last word in the other man's ear, "tease."

He half reluctantly pushed himself off the wall and took several steps back. He laughed out loud at Axel's face, which was utterly bemused. He watched as realization dawned on him, bracing himself for what was coming.

"Oh, _hell_ no," Axel growled. He reached the blonde in two strides and crashed into him with so much force they were both knocked onto the floor. Roxas wasn't much into fighting it; he wrapped his legs around the man and kissed him some more, this time giving the eager redhead dominance. Axel ground his hips into Roxas, who mewled and arched his back.

"Ah ah ahhhh Axel!" he gasped, his breaths were hitched an erotic.

"Yes?"

_Ding dong!_

_Wow, _Roxas thought, _Worst. Timing. Ever. _

"Wanna ignore it?" Axel suggested. The hornier half of Roxas thought that ignoring it sounded like a great idea, but sensible Roxas wasn't having it.

"The window's open," Roxas pointed out. Axel grinned.

"Then we'll give them one hell of a show," he suggested, winking.

"You should probably get it," Roxas sighed.

Axel got up. The button on his pants, and his tanktop was off his shoulders. He made no attempt to tidy up; apparently he wanted to make clear to whoever to whoever was interrupting them exactly what a cockblock they were being.

He opened the door to a man with white-blonde hair. He said with an obvious English accent, "Good morning, old boy."

Axel raised his eyebrows. Apparently wherever this man was from they didn't have proper introductions.

"Umm… can I help you?" Axel asked him, eyeing the heavy looking cross the guy wore around his neck.

"Oh, sorry, generally I skip the formalities," the blonde man laughed, "my name is Luxord. I live next door," he pointed to the complex next to them. "Tell me, have you heard the good news?"

Axel held back a snort. He knew where the man was going with this. He was raised Christian by his mother, but this particular man seemed like the radical kind that would not approve at all of Axel's relationship. He was still irritated at this _Luxord_ for interrupting him, so he decided to fuck with him a little.

"Hmmm…" he scrunched up his face in false concentration, "Oh yeah! They legalized same sex marriage last week, didn't they? Don't gotta go to Hollow Bastion for that anymore."

Luxord opened his mouth briefly in surprise, then closed it and shook his head, "Young man, do you have time to learn about Jesus Christ today?" he asked formally.

_Ah, so he was one of those holler rollers._

"No, but maybe my boyfriend does," he said thoughtfully, "hang on lemme get him."

He left Luxord stammering in the doorway and turned towards the direction of the living room, "Hey Roxy! The neighbor slash holy roller's here! Wanna talk about JC?"

"Axel, get your ass back in here and nail me to the floor!" Roxas called, making sure it was loud enough for the man to hear him.

"Sorry," Axel said, winking at him, "little busy. Some other time, yeah?" he shut the door in the man's face.

"Now, where were we?" he said, climbing back on top of Roxas, who had taken the liberty of stripping while Axel was talking to the infernal cockblock with a British accent.

He removed his own shirt, "something to do with nailing you to the floor I think?"

Roxas pulled him down so they were flesh on flesh. "Just shut up and kiss me."

Axel obeyed him, Roxas was pretty sure the redhead liked it when he was bossy.

Axel tugged lightly at his bottom lip with his teeth, making Roxas gasp a little. The other man took that chance to plummet his tongue into the blonde's mouth. Roxas gladly let him his, he flicked his tongue against the other, initiating a war for the second time in ten minutes. Roxas gave out this time though, letting Axel lead, as usual. He tried to resist bucking his hips into the other man, without much avail. Axel shook his hips furiously, both trying to work off his pants and pleasure Roxas. He was successful in both; he finally kicked off the last of his cloths and turned his full attention to the writhing boy beneath him. He started kissing down his chest, around his navel, on his hip bone, pumping him all the while.

"A-Axel!" he gasped, "I'm- I'm _close_," he cried thrusting into Axel's hand. Axel removed his hand and replaced it with his mouth, putting both hands on Roxas' waist to try to hold him still. Within the minute Roxas threw his head back and screamed, his eyes rolled back as he came between the man's lips, who took it all without complaint.

Eager to please Axel as well, Roxas took his length in his hands and pumped until he saw him make 'the face.' He then gave his dick one long lick before Axel convulsed, then came too, screaming Roxas' name.

Axel collapsed on him, spent. He wrapped his arms around the redhead and kissed his cheek.

"I love you," he whispered. Axel grinned like a kid on Christmas.

"I love your pretty hair, I love your eyes, I love how you drive me _crazy_. I love hearing you say that. Yeah, I pretty much love you too."

He kissed him softly. Roxas could taste himself but returned the kiss nonetheless. Axel rolled off of him onto the floor, breathing heavily.

"Wanna go get something to eat?" Roxas asked. He couldn't help it, he got hungry after sex. Axel chuckled.

"How bout after I shower?" he smirked.

A shower would probably be good idea, he thought, considering he was drenched in sweat and cum. He surveyed the mess. Yeah, a shower was definitely in need.

"Only if I can come with you," Roxas teased.

"Hey! You guys came!" said Demyx, tackling them both with enough velocity to effectively knock the wind out of Roxas.

"Of—course we—came…" Roxas gasped, trying to form words around his surely collapsing lungs, "It's our party."

"I missed you guys!" Demyx shouted excitedly, "Come on, come on, come inside, everyone's waiting!"

"Let them breath, Dem," said Zexion, who had just appeared behind Axel.

"Zexy! You're home early!" said Demyx.

Zexion was obviously well prepared for his boyfriend's welcome hug, because instead of falling down he responded by lifting Demyx off his feet.

"I wasn't about to miss out on any of your fun," he said, grinning, "hey guys," he added to Axel and Roxas.

Roxas gave him the 'sup' nod, but he was preoccupied by Demyx.

"You—are—too—sweet!" he said, kissing Zexion on the lips between each word. Axel snorted and cleared his throat obnoxiously.

"I got lucky," the slate haired boy explained, "My last session canceled on me last minute. So, naturally I came home as quickly as possible."

"Zexy's tutoring now," Demyx informed them proudly, "Three nights a week, over at the university! _And_ he works part time at the café, so come on down and get discounted mochas!" he said jubilantly, winking at them.

"He's kidding about the discount part," said Zexion quickly, "and you," he said, turning to Demyx, "brag more about me than my _mother._"

Demyx blushed, then started jumping up and down, "Come on then, let's go in," he said.

His and Zexion's apartment was large and very open. The kitchen, living room, recording studio, and laundry area was all in one spacious room. Technically so was the bedroom, since they put it on the loft. The only secluded room (aside from the bathroom) was made into a comfortable quiet area for Zexion to read or study in while Demyx played his music. Three of the four main walls had several windows, and that added to Demyx's décor gave the apartment a very cheerful atmosphere.

Sora, Riku, Kairi, Naminé and Xion were all sitting at the table, which was surrounded by beanbag chairs instead of dining chairs. Sora looked the same as always, his hair unruly and spikey as ever. Riku's silver hair had grown very long. It fell past his shoulders and down his back. He obviously hadn't gotten a haircut in a while, his bangs hung unevenly over his eyes. Surprisingly enough this actually added to his good looks. Kairi, on the contrary, had gotten a shell cut like she had when she was in high school. Upon seeing this, Roxas realized that if they had the same colored hair, she and Kairi could probably pass as identical twins. He wondered for a moment if that's what originally drew Axel to her.

The three of them remained as close as ever, and she had actually even moved in with them, for a while after Demyx and Zexion left. Axel and Roxas were the last to leave the boarding hours their parents paid for, finally stepping up when they couldn't deal with the new housemates, Rikku, Yuna, and Paine anymore.

The three girls had come right from the center of high-class Hollow Bastion. They were rich, preppy, and relentless partiers. All three of them were extremely high maintenance and had completely taken over their bathroom, diet, and sleep schedule. Though they were considerate and good natured (except for Paine, who came across as rather sadistic) there was only so much of them the boys could take.

So there they were, with a teensy, drafty, cheapie, run-down house of their very own.

Roxas didn't really feel like he was an adult yet. He did adult things, but it wasn't much different from living at the boarding house. Even so, he enjoyed the freedom. He hadn't been living with his parents for the last three years, but there was something empowering about knowing that he _owned_ a house. It was _his _(well, Axel's too) and he could do whatever he wanted in it, because he was responsible for himself now. He could come home at 3 a.m. in the morning, drunk off his ass without worrying about his parents or Sora bitching at him, because now he dealt with his own hangovers. He could screw Axel into the wall instead of doing his homework, because he knew that eventually he_ would _do it. And if he didn't… well it was his problem. The last bit of parenting he'd gotten out of Cloud was a box of condoms, much to his embarrassment ("look, Roxy, they're cotton candy flavored!"). After that, if he ever saw Cloud, they talked more like old friends than anything else. Sure he asked friendly questions like how school was going, how work was going, if they were having any money troubles, but mostly they just talked, like Roxas would talk to Sora or Xion. He liked it better that way. Cloud was never much of a dad. He tried his best, but being maternal was never his forte.

Axel plopped down on the last available beanbag chair, so Roxas sat on his lap.

"Sooooo, how's life in your brand new house?" Demyx asked them. Axel was the one to answer.

"First of all, Dem, it's not new. Have you seen it? It's older than Professor Vexen. Second, how should we know? We've been there for all of one day. The only thing we know is that the carpet gives nasty rug burn and the shower works," he winked at them.

"Axel!" Roxas shouted, elbowing him in the ribs.

"Ooh, do tell," said Kairi, leaning forward.

"No!" Sora interjected, "I don't wanna hear about my brothers sexcapades! Just think of what it'll do to Riku's poor virgin ears!"

Riku raised an eyebrow, "Who you calling virgin, Sora? I'm not even a _backdoor _virgin anymore as of last week!"

Everyone widened their eyes at this.

"Dude, you dominated Riku?" Axel asked Sora amusedly, "Kudos to you," he held his hand up for Sora to high five. Roxas snorted.

"Bet he didn't tell _you_ that I topped him months ago." He was thoroughly pleased with himself, as Axel was left stammering. "He liked it" he added to everyone as they laughed at Axel.

"Who's on top for you guys?" Naminé conversationally asked Zexion and Demyx. Demyx blushed and mumbled something.

"We haven't done it yet," Zexion said bluntly. Axel laughed.

"What are you waiting for?" he asked. He didn't ask it condescendingly, he was just curious.

Zexion shrugged, "Dem wants it to be special. I don't mind waiting."

Kairi nodded in understanding, and nobody pressed the matter any further.

To Roxas, they were all teenagers again. Even though not much had really changed, a feeling of nostalgia washed through him. They could, at least for this evening, grow down and be stupid together again. They all had lives, and jobs, and expenses to pay, but it gave Roxas comfort to know that they all still had each other. They were all still them. Demyx was the same mullet-headed idiot he met three years ago. Sora still looked at life like a six-year old would, Naminé was still an artist. They could go months without talking, but when they were all together like this, it was like nothing had changed.

They talked for hours and hours, and when the night was over, Roxas was sad to see it go. Everyone exchanged numbers of course on the promise to call, but Roxas knew that he probably wouldn't. It made him sad to know that all of them may not be together like this ever again.

"What's on your mind, sport?" Axel would ask him later.

"I—what's going to happen to us?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" Axel asked warily.

"I mean, all of us. You know, as friends? Do you think the gang will drift apart?"

Axel pondered this for a moment before speaking. "I don't think so. I'm not naïve, I know things won't be the same as they used to be. We can't all party together every other weekend like we did when we all lived together, but we'll manage."

"How you do figure?" Roxas asked.

"Well, Sora and Naminé are your siblings, and Kairi's my sister. So automatically we'll always be close to the three of them. And if Sora's around, you know Riku will be. And we hang out with Xion all the time, way more than the rest of them. And if anybody will actually honor the 'call every week' promise, it'll be Demyx." They both laughed a little at that. "And as for me," he added, wrapping his arms around Roxas' waist, "I'm not going anywhere," he kissed the tip of his nose.

"Hey," said Roxas, "I bet the sunset would look really great from the clock tower right now."

_~Fin~_

**I really really enjoyed writing this chapter xD**

**And _this,_ i kid you not, is what's written in my notebook under the epilogue**

**OMIGAWD IM DONE!**

***happy dance***

**and much excited scribbling **

**THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO READ! YOU ROCK MY SOCKS!**

**until next time, ~kingdomflameviii out 3**


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